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|Bethany Heinesh • 6/12/15|
Women talk with their girlfriends about everything. Am I right, ladies? There is no subject off limits, and there aren’t enough hours in the day to talk about all the things happening in our everyday lives. It’s not surprising, then, that we seek the advice of our closest friends in the area of dating and relationships.
You know just as well as I do that when we go on a date, we can’t wait to get home and recount every single detail of the evening to our bestie. We spend an hour talking about the guy we exchanged phone numbers with at the grocery store, and when he calls, we share every single syllable exchanged during the phone conversation. When things are going great in our relationship, we talk about how wonderful our Mr. Wonderful is. When things go south, we talk about what a troll he is and how much we hate his guts.
While men identify their worth by how well they perform at work, women define themselves by the relationships they hold most dear. Yes, we are concerned with our careers and personal interests, but more than anything else, it is the relationships in our lives that matter most, particularly the ones we have with our girlfriends. I mean, really, where would we be without our very own “Sex and the City” posse?!
“When you want some great advice about how
to move forward with your current situation,
you are the absolute best person for the job.”
When it comes to dating and relationships, seeking advice from friends can often cause more harm than good. Sure, it’s great to have a sounding board, to be able to vent to your girls when the situation calls for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to the women in your life and talking to them about what’s happening in your relationship.
For many of us, just the sheer act of talking aloud helps us sort through our thoughts and come up with solutions. Having a support system is a crucial part of living a successful and rewarding life, and having friends who love and care about you is a blessing indeed. By all means, employ your friends when necessary and seek their counsel when you’re feeling lost or unable to gain objectivity in a given situation.
That being said, I feel I must warn you against making the terrible mistake so many of us make when we’re involved in a relationship. Taking your friends’ advice as gospel and allowing your girls to dictate how you and your man live out your lives together is not a good idea. For starters, I would venture to guess that not one of your friends is a certified relationship expert or licensed professional counselor. Any advice or insights given by your girls is merely speculation delivered with the best of intentions but an educated guess nonetheless.
Because most of us don’t know the first thing about dating to begin with, we become the blind leading the blind, which means we end up smacking our faces against walls and falling down in the middle of the street. Listen to the advice of friends with an open mind, but remember that your friends have no greater advantage in the realm of relationships than you.
Furthermore, when you seek relationship advice from friends and don’t take their suggestions, it can cause a rift. When you go to your girls and complain about your man, and then make up with him, your friends are likely to still hold a grudge. “You hurt my friend and now I hate you” becomes the attitude amongst your social circle. When this happens, you’ll stop spending as much time with your girls because you don’t want to feel uncomfortable or be forced to answer the question, “Why do you put up with him?” Plus, your boyfriend will begin to resent your friends and become dismayed when you want to spend time with them or talk to them on the phone.
Even though it’s often difficult to determine the best course of action to take when you’re in a relationship, your intuition will never lie to you. When you want some great advice about how to move forward with your current situation, you are the absolute best person for the job. Go some place quiet. Calm your mind, take some deep breaths, and listen to the voice within. She will tell you what to do, for she truly is the greatest source of wisdom in your life and the only one who can ultimately decide what is best for you.