How Should I Talk About My Intentions Without Scaring Him Off?

Gina Stewart Gina Stewart • 10/09/15

Reader Question:

I recently started seeing a guy whom I have been friends with for nearly two years prior. I recently got out of a long-term friends with benefits situation, which the guy I am seeing now knows of.

My issue is my new guy and I will do things like normal dating people, but we always end up sleeping together nine out of 10 times. I understand sex is part of dating, but part of me feels like I am headed down the same road as I was on with the FWB.

How should I talk about intentions without scaring him off?

-KayDee (Idaho)

Gina Stewart’s Answer:

Sounds like you’re on the right track. First, in every relationship, it’s important to define what it is you’re looking for long term and then stick with it.

If you don’t want this to wind up being another FWB situation, then you need to make that clear. Seeing as how you and your new beaux have a history as friends, this conversation shouldn’t be a hard one.

Be honest and direct without putting too much emphasis on your previous FWB relationship. Your past doesn’t have to define your future unless you let it.

Talk about where you want to go and that you want him to be a part of it.

That aside, if he does pull the ripcord and bail, then you might have saved yourself from an even greater disappointment down the road.

Remember, sex is a natural part of every relationship, but if it seems to be the most important thing, then it might be time to ask those hard questions.

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