The #1 Mistake Women Make in Online Dating

November 2, 2012
The #1 Mistake Women Make in Online Dating

As a woman who has done a lion’s share of online dating, nothing used to upset me more than men not pursuing me like I wanted. I put up flattering, thoughtfully chosen and interesting pictures. I spent hours writing and rewriting about myself in unique and witty ways. I explained what I wanted and didn’t want in my mate in detail. But my effort-to-return ratio was way low.

I got plenty of winks, a good amount of emails and a small portion of good emails, but of the good emails, the men I found compatible to me bottomed out at close to nil. Blah! How frustrating!

Where was the guy I painstakingly described in my profile — the one reading my every detail, finding me pretty and taking the effort to ask me unique questions. Call it expectations or call it rules — I had an invisible path I needed a man to follow in order for me to give him the time of day.

It wasn’t until I started teaching men how to online date and pursue women that I myself learned how to online date men.

Because here’s the news flash:

Men are stupid. They don’t know what they are doing. Many of the men I was consulting were great guys offline, but when I saw what they thought made a good profile or picture or courting behavior, I would fall out of my chair.

By helping them understand a female’s mentality of online dating, I understood the man’s. I quit putting so many expectations on men. I realized that a man was so much more than his online persona. What mattered was who he was in person.

So women, here is my advice to you:

Relax a little bit. Take a few chances on the men who don’t know what they are doing online or don’t seem like they fit your hardened criteria.

Nothing in either of your online profiles matters when you’ve discovered in-person chemistry. And the only true way to discover in-person chemistry is to put yourself in front of as many people “in person” as you can.

The guy I thought sounded like a cocky braggart was actually a sweetheart. The guy I thought was too old to be a student anymore had just sold a business but thought going back to school sounded fun.

The guy who didn’t know “how to write a self-summary” had a lot to say over a cup of coffee. And suddenly I found I had a lion’s share of choices of whom I wanted to date.

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website,, for more information or to contact her. Connect on Google+.

Related Topics:
Online Profiles

7 Responses

    I tend to come off as awkward and antisocial online, but people tell me I’m friendly in person. It’s nice when someone gives you a chance to show how you really are in real life instead of in cyberworld

    Good advice! I always give someone at least one chance.

    too true! poor men

    Cant live with em cant live without ‘em!

    Being a male I had a feeling I was not that sharp, even though, I have plenty of references along those lines. After reading what you had to say, I feel much better about myself, and if women take your advice I feel like even a bumbler like myself has a chance…..Thanks Gina

    You nailed it with this one Gina! I have so many friends that put up a wall when the idea of dating a “less than perfect” profile presented itself. Who knows how many diamonds in the rough they never had the opportunity to meet?

    I was glad to read this advice. I’ve only been online dating for a few DAYS and have been bemused by the lack of response/feedback. I thought my profile was warm, witty and I looked reasonably attractive. I was prepared for an onslaught of prospective dates!!!!

    What I didn’t factor in was my own pickiness (ie poor spelling a big turn off) — I didn’t factor in that generally MEN AREN’T TAUGHT TO TOUCH TYPE!!! Men think goofy photos attract prospective dates and show a fun side. Or serious, unsmiling photos make them look, well, serious about the whole deal, sexy (???) …

    Clearly, though, I obviously haven’t come across as that great myself. I will now give men a chance (and hope I get a few chances as well). Thanks, Gina!

      C. Price
      Cynthia Price (

      Glad you were able to see the differences from both sides! Online profiles and online engagement is a tricky game of tango, I hope it works out for you Jona :)

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