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|Telisha Ng • 9/25/14|
I’m the human equivalent of a Trapper Keeper. I have to be in order to coach individuals because they share confidential information with me.
Ironically when I’m around the people closest to me or I’m really passionate about a topic, it’s hard to shut me up.
I am an open book with my beaux, and for the most part, we should be able to confide in our partner about anything, even our deep, dark secrets.
In relationships, it’s important to maintain a small level of mystery to increase attraction and keep sparks flying.
At the same time, it’s important to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open up about our feelings to one another on a consistent basis.
How does one strike a balance? How does one maintain mystery yet remain open to give and receive love?
The failure to strike a healthy balance between the two leads to so many failed relationships and marriages. You’re damned if you do and dammed if you don’t – until now.
There are five things a woman should never tell a man if she intends on being in a healthy, committed relationship:
By now, you most likely have mutual friends who also are attached.
It’s so easy to glance over your shoulder and envy other couples, especially when things aren’t going so well in your own relationship.
Remember how it felt to be compared to that amazingly beautiful relative who got all the guys when you were growing up? It felt pretty icky didn’t it?
Well comparing your relationship to someone else’s is a surefire way to make your guy tune out.
Believe it or not, even when he isn’t acting right, deep down he wants to be your superman.
If you have an issue that needs addressing within the relationship, there’s no need for side-by-side comparisons with another couple.
This is a tricky one. Unless your ex is a crazed stalker, it’s best to keep your interactions with the “let me back in” ex-boyfriend to yourself.
The ex-lover should never be a topic of discussion unless you have intentions of getting back with him.
I’m a huge advocate for zero contact with exes once you’ve moved on.
Of course, there are exceptions. For example, if you have kids with an ex.
However, for the most part, it’s a done deal.
If your partner is purposely made to feel insecure, he’ll be more apt to find someone who will be more considerate of his feelings.
The language we use with our partners matters more than we know.
When women say “I don’t care” to each other, it’s never interpreted literally. It’s kind of a multipurpose response.
However, blurting out “I don’t care” or “I don’t need you” in the heat of an argument can have very negative connotations.
Sure you may be extremely frustrated but you care. You care or you would not be upset.
The more we repeat negative phrases to our men, the more they take it as the gospel.
Before getting into a committed relationship, you may have had a high number of casual relationships and flings.
There is no judgment on my end, but you may want to be cautious of mentioning specific details of your sexualhistory.
The only information our partners should know are our current HIV and STI status (assuming you’re sexually active).
All other information will only torture egos and raise speculations.
Some may perceive this as being dishonest, but I perceive it as leaving the past where it belongs.
Imagine your favorite song comes on in a nightclub and suddenly some drunk turns on all the lights in the club and the music stops playing. You begin to lose balance, and your initial shock then turns into rage or disappointment.
Well that is exactly what happens when women say “we need to talk.”
Forced heart-to-heart conversations don’t exactly go over so well in the mind of a man.
As women, we feel energized by a heart-to-heart convo with our girls.
For men, the sudden halt can cause them to shut down, and this means it will be more difficult to get him to open up and reciprocate.
Don’t get me wrong. You can still have the talk, but timing is impeccable. Break the tension with laughter or ease into a more serious conversation after catching up for the day.
When you’re really in tune with each other, he’ll know to initiate the conversation. However, that comes with time and will depend on the situation.
I hope I’ve helped shed some light on how to better understand men and maintain some mystery to increase attraction.
I do not support secrecy in relationships. However, I do believe it’s more important to build our partners up rather than to break them down or make them feel insecure with us.
Remember we have the power to make and break our relationships with subtle actions. Make a choice that strengthens your bond.
Photo source: e3rafnafsak.com, nymag.com, hollywood.com, bp.blogspot.com, memegenerator.net