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|Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14|
To say the date was “hot” is an understatement. Entranced by the delicious whiff of compatible pheromones hovering over the candlelit table, the man and woman barely spoke.
They did giggle in embarrassment and avert their eyes from time to time to break free from their longing eye lock.
As the date progressed, they both felt goose bumps and flutters of exciting bio-chemicals in their stomachs.
It is as intoxicating as heroin and can be just as dangerous. It is this seductive cocktail of attraction that makes people engage in dangerous sexual behavior.
Sexual chemistry is a captor who blindfolds your rational brain, unhinges your steering wheel and releases you as a blind driver.
And, ironically, sexual chemistry is what every person hopes they will find on a date. Because it feels so goooood.
In days of old, when sexual restraint was in vogue and sexual opportunity was scarce, a legend grew that sexual chemistry was something the lucky few had.
It was the holy grail of love, if only one could find it.
Flash forward to today’s high-supply sexual economy where sexual opportunity has exploded, sexual restraint has become a quaint eccentricity and sexual chemistry has become a requirement.
Dating has become a high-speed audition process. If sexual chemistry isn’t found with one partner, there must be something wrong. Right?
“Sexual chemistry makes you blindly move too fast,
coupling up before you have evaluated a partner.”
In a ground breaking Brigham Young University study of more than 2,000 couples, the greater the sexual chemistry early on, the worse the relationship outcomes.
People with good sexual chemistry early on simply did not stay together longer.
Psychology professor Dean Busby explained his results to me this way:
“The mechanics of good sex are not particularly difficult or beyond the reach of most couples, but the emotions, the vulnerability, the meaning of sex and whether it brings couples closer together are much more complicated to figure out.”
It makes you blindly move too fast, coupling up and adjusting your life before you have evaluated a partner as a truly compatible mate.
In the early stage of a relationship, sex is important. But down the road, when couples reach the stage of mature companionate love, those with the hottest sexual chemistry early on feel like something has died.
They confuse sex with love and when their sex life transforms, they feel they have fallen out of love.
The path to a healthy relationship is a road of slow love.
Photo source: freewallpaper4.me.