This Long-Distance Relationship Isn’t Working. What Do I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

My problem is I am in a long-distance relationship. It’s been fight after fight. He has become indifferent.

We have overcome a lot, but I am getting tired. I have communicated this. He hangs up on me and doesn’t respond to messages.

I know I have a bad attitude, but I feel I am trying to speak up and solve things in a healthy manner. I feel if I don’t make an effort, this isn’t going to work. I can’t do it all alone.

What do I do?

-Rosie (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Rosie,

I don’t know what your fights are about, but I can tell you both of you have poor conflict resolution skills. These poor skills aren’t helped by the fact you have a long-distance relationship and stonewalling is as easy as hanging up the phone.

No relationship survives for long when one partner gives the silent treatment. Eventually, the unheard partner gives up and leaves.

My suggestion is to set some times and places to have face-to-face constructive conversations about the issues with these ground rules: no name calling, no playing victim and no stonewalling.

If this doesn’t work, you two will either need couples therapy or decide to go separate ways.

As for you’re “bad attitude,” men who act indifferent usually don’t come closer when an angry woman nags them. Try to contain yourself before you communicate.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.