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|Bethany Heinesh • 4/17/12|
First dates. We love ‘em. We hate ‘em. We love them because they can be a thrilling experience. The first date has the potential to be the last time we will ever have to cast out our dating net, seeking the spoils of the saying, “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Some well-meaning friend has said this to you at some point, usually when you’re suffering through a breakup.
On the other hand, we hate first dates because they have the potential to be disastrous. You may be a smooth operator, but that doesn’t exempt you from falling on your face in the middle of the sidewalk or spilling a drink at dinner.
At the very least, you might completely dislike the person and waste a perfectly good Friday night. Nevertheless, we endure the intense emotions and drastic fears that precede first dates because they could very well mark the beginning of a lasting relationship.
However, it is not uncommon for a first date to also lead to sex. Many times alcohol is consumed, often to excess, which can result in a sexual encounter you would have otherwise postponed. Other times, pure animal magnetism takes over. One minute you are playing an innocent game of Scrabble, and the next minute you and your date are heading to the sack for some monkey business.
First date sex also can result from a wonderful evening filled with great conversation and what appears to be a genuine connection.
If you have found yourself in the predicament of wondering what to do after sex on the first date, fear not. If both parties are willing to continue to see each other after that first sexual encounter, following some simple suggestions will help move the relationship in a positive direction.
Agree to abstain for a set period of time and meet at public places. Take the time to get to know the other person. Do you hold similar values? Do you share common goals and interests?
Answering such questions is the only way you will ever be sure you are a good match. Remember, sex is only a small part of a romantic relationship. When the sizzle fizzles — and it will — what will be left to take its place? If it isn’t anything of substance, you don’t stand a chance.
“The keys to turning a one-night stand into a
real relationship are authenticity, maturity,
mutual respect and a commitment to
forging a genuine connection.”
Go to church together, play a game of tennis or go to a concert. Courtship is a very vital part of the natural development of any romantic relationship. Just because you had first date sex doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the other exciting elements of a new relationship.
Talk about your feelings as they pertain to having sex on the first date. Clearly define what your expectations are going forward. Discuss your spiritual beliefs, your weird habits and quirks, or your favorite vegetable — whatever, just talk! When it comes to relationships, communication rules the nation. If you can’t talk, take a walk. Two people unable to engage in meaningful conversation are doomed from the start.
Introduce your guy or gal to the important people in your life and be willing to accept feedback. Friends and family will be able to take note of any red flags your infatuation has blinded you to. At this stage, an objective perspective is crucial and will help you determine whether you have hooked up with someone worth keeping.
Don’t beat yourself up. While most men will not feel a sense of guilt after sex on the first date, women often do. Ladies, name-calling is a no-no. Give yourself a break. You are human — not a slut, tramp or any other derogatory title you have attached to your experience. You are a beautiful, worthwhile, wonderful woman. Remember that!
A recent poll conducted by Match.com revealed more than 35 percent of married or monogamous couples began their relationship with sex on the first date. There are literally hundreds of thousands of happy and devoted couples who started their relationship between the sheets. You could become one of them!
The keys to turning a one-night stand into a real relationship are authenticity, maturity, mutual respect and a commitment to forging a genuine connection. Don’t assume just because you had sex on the first date, the relationship is doomed.
Give this person the same kind of consideration you would any other, and approach the situation with enthusiasm. Besides, if this one doesn’t work out, there are plenty of fish in the sea!