We Had Sex on the First Date. Why Haven’t We Moved to the Next Step?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14

Reader Question:

I needed a date for an occasion and my friend told me about this guy she knew. We went out for dinner and a movie for a first date. Something I partially regret to this day is we had sex that same night. We do everything couples do like hug, kiss and go out, but I’m still not his girlfriend and it’s been half a year.

I’m just confused on why we haven’t moved on to the next step yet? I do have feelings for him, and I know for sure he has feelings for me. Should I continue doing this?

-Elissa F. (California)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

You are not alone. In this high-supply sexual economy, you are one of millions of women who have signed up for a low-criteria relationship, one that involves sex, affection, frequent contact — and no commitment.

It is up to you to be brave enough to ask for clear definition. Most men won’t do that unless a woman prompts them. Why should he buy the cow when he can text in a herd? But you’ve also got to be ready to back up your words with action and end the relationship if it doesn’t fit your relationship life plan.

Next time, delay the onset of the sexual relationship and build some good communication skills. And before you hit the hay, get some kind of commitment from him. Nearly 90 percent of relationships that have sex within the first 30 days are broken up within one year.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.