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|Nick Slade • 9/25/14|
The number one ground rule for a woman in a “friends with benefits” situation is to pretend you are a man. Men are very good at separating the sexual act from feelings of intimacy and love, while women are more likely to feel an emotional bond with their physical lover.
Don’t go into such an arrangement thinking, somewhere in the back of your mind, that you can leverage this sexual tryst into a loving relationship.
Be prepared and willing to be hurt and/or to hurt the friend you are having benefits with. It’s best to do this with someone you are not emotionally attracted to. Find someone who is not your type or is just passing through. If you are out of his league, so much the better.
Limit the benefits and don’t let them fall into a pattern. A couple times a month is easier to handle emotionally than a weekly or regular routine. When you are in “friend” mode at a party or whatever, be a regular friend. No flirting, smooching or romantic overtures.
Keep the relationship almost business-like. When your clothes are on, you are not interested in him romantically or sexually. Undress yourself when it’s time to share the benefits. Be as sexual as you want to be when you’re naked. When it’s over, turn back into the female version of Clark Kent.
Have sex but don’t make love. Don’t say words of love or encouragement. This is not a romance, there’s a difference between love and lust. The sex can and should be very selfish.
Texts should never be romantic and they should never say how amazing last night was. Don’t exchange gifts. Talk about your activity like it’s a cup of coffee. Set the time and place like it’s an appointment for getting your dog groomed.
Keep the kissing and foreplay to a minimum. Do the deed and get completely dressed.
If you’re looking for love, friends with benefits is not the answer. If you’re looking for something that’s better than masturbation and you have the emotional maturity to manage it in a detached manner, give it a shot.