What if I Don’t Like Kids but My New Boyfriend Has Kids?

May 18, 2012
What if I Don’t Like Kids but My New Boyfriend Has Kids?

Kids are noisy, messy, expensive and require a lot of upkeep. They’re also hilarious, unconditionally loving and cuddly little rascals. If you’re one of those women who has never liked kids and never planned on having any of your own, why should a man change that?

It’s OK to admit that you’re just not the maternal type. In fact, a lot of women end up having babies because they think that’s their role in society. It’s perfectly fine to say, “It’s not for me.”

So what do you do when you’ve been honest about that part of your life, but then you fall for a man who has kids? Be careful. In the beginning of the relationship (I call this the “honeymoon” period), everything seems like roses and rainbows. The man’s probably keeping you at an arms length from his kids, so you think, “Hey, I can handle going out to pizza with a 5- and 8-year-old kid once a week.”

The truth is, you need to look into the future. Are you willing, capable and joyous about becoming a stepmother? If you married this guy and something happened to the kid’s mom, you’d have to take on a motherly role. Would you be able to handle that? If you can’t, then it’s time to remove yourself from the equation. If you can see yourself cleaning scraped knees, baking cookies and loving these kids unconditionally, then commit fully.

Kara Pound is an award-winning journalist based in St. Augustine, Fla. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Journalism from Flagler College. Her work has been published in INKED, Natural Awakenings, Design Aglow, Memphis Flyer, Jacksonville Magazine, E/Environmental Magazine and dozens more. Check out some of Kara's work at karapound.com. Connect with her on Google+.

Related Topics:
Dating With Kids

4 Responses

    My dad dated a lady who wasn’t a fan of us kids but we were around all teenagers so we didn’t need her attention anyway. She was at least nice to us, although we knew she was faking it

    I bet the person who asked this just doesn’t like HIS kids and it’s the excuse

      I disagree that the poster is using the kids as an excuse to get out of the relationship. I, too, find myself in a situation in which I am in love with a man who has 2 young kids. I do not identify as a woman with a strong maternal instinct, and I am on the fence about having a kid of my own…I can see it happening, but I can also see it not happening. I don’t dislike kids, but I am not really a “kid person”. I enjoy structure and silence, 2 things that usually don’t come along with children. It’s a confusing situation to be in. On the one hand, I am uncertain if I will be able to handle it, thereby eventually getting my heart broken. On the other hand, I greatly respect my boyfriend for being a good father, and it makes me wonder if I want a kid in the future. It’s a tough thing to deal with, but the best advice I have is to discuss it with your significant other. When you talk about it, you need to be as blunt and honest as you can. Share ALL of your feelings, including the negative ones, and see if you can find a way to work through it as a couple. You have to remember though that his kids are his first priority, and you need to honor that. If his kids are not his first priority, then he’s not the kind of man you want anyhow.

        C. Price
        Cynthia Price (DatingAdvice.com)

        Hi there! Thanks for commenting :) I couldn’t help but want to point out you said “I am uncertain if I will be able to handle it, thereby eventually getting my heart broken.” I don’t sense that at all! You seem like a level-headed person with a lot of insight to what you want and what you deserve. Keep your two feet on the ground and you’ll do fine. I like the great advice you gave at the end too, I definitely agree!

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