What if I Don’t Like Kids but My New Boyfriend Has Kids?

Kara Pound Kara Pound • 5/18/12

Kids are noisy, messy, expensive and require a lot of upkeep. They’re also hilarious, unconditionally loving and cuddly little rascals. If you’re one of those women who has never liked kids and never planned on having any of your own, why should a man change that?

It’s OK to admit that you’re just not the maternal type. In fact, a lot of women end up having babies because they think that’s their role in society. It’s perfectly fine to say, “It’s not for me.”

So what do you do when you’ve been honest about that part of your life, but then you fall for a man who has kids? Be careful. In the beginning of the relationship (I call this the “honeymoon” period), everything seems like roses and rainbows. The man’s probably keeping you at an arms length from his kids, so you think, “Hey, I can handle going out to pizza with a 5- and 8-year-old kid once a week.”

The truth is, you need to look into the future. Are you willing, capable and joyous about becoming a stepmother? If you married this guy and something happened to the kid’s mom, you’d have to take on a motherly role. Would you be able to handle that? If you can’t, then it’s time to remove yourself from the equation. If you can see yourself cleaning scraped knees, baking cookies and loving these kids unconditionally, then commit fully.