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|Dr. Wendy Walsh • 9/25/14|
At this time of fast-paced life with technology moving faster than the human body and mind, slow movements are emerging all over the world.
First came the Slow Food Movement, which strives to stop mass high-tech agriculture and return to locally grown foods, family dinners and healthful tables. The slow movement then expanded to travel and design, advocating a cultural shift toward slowing life’s pace.
And in this era of sexts, texts and online speed dating, where relationships have become disposable, I advocate a brand of slow love.
Designed to nurture the human in all of us, who is capable of healthy bonding, slow love gives people the time and space for partners to explore deeper connections.
Slow love eliminates junk food sex and undefined relationships with blurry boundaries.
The hallmark of slow love is a delay in the onset of the sexual relationship. Research supports the sooner to bed, the sooner to break up. Couples who have sex within 30 days of meeting have nearly a 90 percent chance the relationship will be disposed of within one year.
When couples give each other the space to really get to know each other before the sudden onset of delusional sex hormones, an emotional bond can be created.
And it is that emotional bond that becomes the glue in long-term love.
“Slow love supports a wide
range of sexual behaviors.”
The second tenant of slow love is self awareness about one’s own relationship needs and boundaries. We can’t expect the environment to provide emotional nutrition if we don’t know what we are looking for.
As part of the exercise in self awareness, practitioners of slow love will learn kind, compassionate ways to say no to premature sex and erect their own safe emotional boundaries. Then they are advised to open up in stages as trust is built.
The third aspect of slow love is a reduction in the use of technology to build and maintain relationships and a preference for phone time and face time.
Especially important is the need to cure addictions to digital pornography that are making men less attracted to real-life sex and are making women adopt a male model of sexuality that may run contrary to their biology.
Practitioners acknowledge that heterosexual men and women have differing biological potentials and their sexual behavior is designed to compliment each other rather than mimic each other.
This is very different from biological determinism. Slow love supports a wide range of sexual behaviors and orientations for each gender.
But it asks both men and women, in their goal to be self-aware, to respect that some people bond through sex. Others bond through trust. And both can be built through slow love.
Good food takes time to grow and make. Good relationships take even longer.