When to Say “Yes” to Sex

March 4, 2013
When to Say “Yes” to Sex

There’s a time and a place for sex, especially if you want to keep a relationship for longer than a couple weeks.

So, unless you can check off the following three criteria, prematurely hopping into bed with your partner may ruin your chances of finding committed love.

1. It’s been at least 30 days.

This means 30 days of consistent contact (text and email do not count).

There should be face time (not the iPhone kind) and phone time where you actually get to know each other and start to bond.

He shouldn’t “disappear” for a few days at a time, flake on you or ignore your phone calls. This is the time he should be impressing you and showing you how he treats a lady.

And research shows if you delay the onset of sex for at least 30 days, the chances of building a long-term relationship improve greatly.


“Delaying your sexual relationship will give you

the power to make wise feminine choices.”

2. He’s expressed he loves you.

He doesn’t have to express them in words, but he should express that he likes you a lot.

Men aren’t usually quick to say “I love you” but there are variations of it, including “I like you a lot” or “ You’re really important to me,” that have powerful meaning.

This is a sign of emotional intimacy and a declaration of his feelings for you. And it also acknowledges he understands sex and feelings are something that can be connected.

3. You’ve both acknowledged you’re exclusive.

Yes, its that awkward talk so many couples forgo, and then usually the woman regrets it because its hard to take back the power after you’ve done the deed.

Make sure you and him mutually understand the parameters of your relationship. This means blatantly asking him.

You don’t want to be exchanging bloodstreams with other women. Define clear rules and boundaries for your sexual relationship.

Delaying your sexual relationship will allow for intimacy building and will give you the power to make wise feminine choices.

You’ll build long-term relationship skills without oxytocin clouding your wisdom.

And you’ll be able to weed out the good guys from the bad. The bad guys won’t hang around for 30 days if they’re not getting sex.

Bottom line: Waiting to have sex will decrease the likelihood of heartbreak and improve your chances for a long-term relationship.

How long do you wait before you say “yes” to sex?

Photo source: hookingupsmart.com.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

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5 Responses

    I’ve heard of some of this a couple times now. This advice should be at every high school graduation pamphlet and freshman college dorms. Girls should understand this before getting physically close to a guy, it’s the reason to so many failed relationships…

      I totally agree!!!!! So many teenagers and fresh out of high school freshman are getting so promiscuous and then get all depressed becasue they can’t keep a steady BOYFRIEND! It’s one thing to listen to advice, it’s another to have the stats to back it up! Probably nest to scare girls with the truth than buffer the lovey dovey side of things….

      Great idea!! Dr. Wendy should speak in front of young college students and spread the word!

    Nikolay Jordanov

    I think more than this, it’s important to understand the advantages and consequences of either approach, so that both boys and girls can make an educated decision – not just because “auntie told us so”. And in both cases, be able to take precautions and know how to handle heart-ache.

    C. Price
    Cynthia Price (DatingAdvice.com)

    Well said everyone. And yes, Nikolay, knowledge is power.

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