Why Do I Go On Dates That Don’t Lead to a Relationship?

October 26, 2012
Why Do I Go On Dates That Don’t Lead to a Relationship?

Reader Question:

Why do I go on so many dates and none of them lead to a relationship? No, I am not weird or do or say things to turn someone off. I’m a very decent student going in the medical field. I’m very attractive, so they tell me (not to toot my own horn). No, there is no sex. I often wonder maybe I don’t show that I am also interested. I’m kind of shy and reserved when it comes to dating. I also feel like there’s a lot of competition out there, meaning maybe another girl reciprocated the same interest and guys gravitate more toward the one who shows they want them just as much.

-Ansa (Michigan)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

It’s a very tough time for young women in the dating world. While the perception of female sexual freedom has some joining a so-called “hookup” culture, others want a traditional relationship and are very aware of their “count.”

Thus, most women are under pressure to have plenty of not-too-much sex. And they wonder if other female competition is being more flirtatious and sexual to attract guys.

I think you are doing the right thing by not being too sexual. That way you will find a guy who is looking for a girlfriend rather than a short-term sex partner.

But, on the other hand, you do need to be open, happy and receptive. That may mean working on your giggle and your hair flip. That doesn’t necessarily tell a guy you want sex, but it does tell him you like him. Learning to flirt with boundaries is an art, and you’re learning it.


No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013). Connect with her on Google+.

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1 Response

    It’s too bad, by girlfriend feels that pressure to be liked by a lot of people and then it’s read wrong and people think she’s easy. I try to regulate a lot of that for her and keep her balanced by keeping her social with other girlfriends and other people. Unfortunately I’ve seen her mess up when a guy who’s her fit comes along and decides to play games.
    Everyone’s always trying to figure out what the other sex wants, it’s a neverendign cylce.

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