Why Would He Send Me an Email After Being Divorced for a Week?

Dr. Wendy Walsh Dr. Wendy Walsh • 7/20/12

Reader Question:

My ex-husband sent me an email that said I was a great woman, he loved me deeply and I would always be on his mind. He said he was ashamed of himself for letting someone like me go. Why would he send me this after being divorced for almost a week?

-Cindy S. (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

There are three possible psychological reasons for his show of love to you just one week after the divorce.

1. He feels relief and some guilt.

Now that things are settled and the divorce is final, he can put on his rose-colored glasses and remember the good things about you.

2. He’s feeling separation anxiety.

When the divorce papers are finally signed, it’s official. It’s over. No matter how bad the marriage was, this evidence of closure can bring up a strange separation anxiety.

As long as the divorce was pending, he knew you might somehow reunite. But now things are final. This can cause self-doubt and separation anxiety.

3. He wants you back.

I don’t know who initiated the divorce, how long you were separated, or what injuries occurred within the relationship, but I do know this is a common post-divorce reaction.

If you think this could be the feeling that prompted his email, think long and hard before you jump back into the fire. The best indicator of someone’s future behavior is their past behavior.


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