1.5 years: Patiently waiting for boyfriend to tell his family about us

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1.5 years: Patiently waiting for boyfriend to tell his family about us

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    ChicagoGay5150
    Participant
    April 22, 2016 at 8:30 pm #98568
    1.5 years: Patiently waiting for boyfriend to tell his family about us

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. I’m 25 and he’s 29. He came out when he was about 24, and has never told his parents about past dating. When he came out, they had a difficult time but accepted it– it was left as something discussed but wouldn’t be talked about again.

    Now, the relationship has been wonderful. We get along great and are really like best friends. We visit each other often (LDR) whether it’s random trips or me seeing him and vice versa. I know and love his friends, some of his co-workers know about me, etc. AKA– everything’s great but his parents don’t know he’s in a relationship which makes certain times of the year tough (holidays, weddings, etc.). We’ve talked about it (few months ago) and he assures me it will happen soon.

    Question: how would you handle this situation after bringing it up a few times? Family is important to me and I expect to be a part of someone’s life fully.

    deepthinker4741
    deepthinker4741
    Participant
    July 18, 2016 at 6:58 pm #105739

    I’m in a similar situation in the sense that my boyfriend’s family doesn’t know about me, but he isn’t out to them yet. We talk about it often, and there’s a clear date where this will change. Still, I totally understand the feeling that there’s a section of his life you can’t be a part of. I’m not sure if he fully understands how difficult that can be.

    I wonder if our situations aren’t more similar than they appear. While yours has come out to them, maybe there’s part of him that still feels “in the closet” with his parents in terms of how they communicate or treat him. Maybe that’s something that you can talk about in more detail.

    As long as you’re not arguing with him, and you’re trying to understand his perspective, I wouldn’t hesitate to bring it up frequently. You deserve to have your feelings about this heard and understood.


    chadsmith
    Participant
    August 4, 2016 at 12:59 am #107455

    I think “tops” are dealing with the whole macho thing. That seems to make it harder to tell family.

    redlips
    redlips
    Participant
    August 4, 2016 at 4:47 am #107456

    Red flag. If he doesn’t want his family to know, he might be hiding something. Try to communicate with him frequently and make all the things clear. If the situation persist, I think he’s just not that in to you. Please bear in mind that a man who values you as important as his family is a man worth to trust for life. Don’t waste your time, after all not telling his family about your existence is not a nice thing to do.


    tj1750
    Participant
    September 13, 2016 at 3:24 pm #111267

    I think coming out takes time


    helpseeking
    Participant
    September 15, 2016 at 9:28 am #111467

    hi your bf must be feeling its a difficult thing to tell his parents. if its not easy for hime to talk to his parents about this, ask him why, how he feels and what his intentions are- during this convo, you could state your feelings and expectations.