Advice appreciated :) Warning, boring and long winded scenario!

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Advice appreciated :) Warning, boring and long winded scenario!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    ssa123
    Participant
    January 12, 2014 at 2:34 am #45913
    Advice appreciated :) Warning, boring and long winded scenario!

    I’m new back into the dating game. I’ve been single and fairly happy for around 5 years – so am quite independent.

    Now I’ve started seeing this man and I’m not sure if he just isn’t for me, or I’m picking out the bad bits because I’m just so used to being on my own. We’re up to the fifth date, the first was a blind/online one.

    The not so good (or me being picky):
    – He already wants to have the “what are we” chat, including “are you seeing anyone else”. I was non-committal to this – I replied, I’ve known you three weeks, its a bit early to be classifying anything; but no I’m not seeing anyone else.
    – He doesn’t make me laugh. We laugh, but its always at/about me or a story I’m telling, a one liner I’ve pulled etc.
    – There isn’t a spark, although I know that this doesn’t always happen straight away (I have had spark before so I know what it feels like!)
    – I carry the conversation completely. If I don’t start and continue a conversation, we sit in silence.


    ssa123
    Participant
    January 12, 2014 at 2:35 am #45914

    contd…
    – He doesn’t remember things I’ve spoken about (although I talk a lot, so sometimes that can be normal for people – people tend to tune out with me)
    – He’s a bit funny about “when will I see you next”. He asks it a lot, and today when I said I’m not sure what this week will be like, I have a lot on, I should know when I’m free by tomorrow, he kept pushing it trying to get a time locked in.
    – He pays for everything. I know this should be a positive, but I keep saying I’ll get it and he keeps saying no and handing over money. I don’t like to feel like I owe him anything (such as ‘special cuddles’)
    – He still lives with his parents, and they are pretty much his whole social life. This though is kind of understandable as life threw him a curve ball and he was in a car accident 2 years ago which has left him with some ongoing troubles


    xxcohxx
    Participant
    January 12, 2014 at 7:13 am #45920

    I’d just see how it goes, but keep him at arms length, and tell him how you feel about him being pushy? he might back off a little


    ssa123
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:38 pm #45915


    The good:
    – He lets me dribble on and doesn’t whinge about me talking so much
    – He seems to really like me, which is rare, I don’t get that very often!
    – He’s close to his family
    – This will sound materialistic, but I’ve never been out with anyone with a decent job and a car before; and he has both (so I’m not feeling used)
    – He’s a nice person, I think, and that’s also new for me – in the past I’ve gone for either troubled guys, angry guys or guys i could “save”.

    I don’t know! Do I stick at it? Do I cut him loose? Am I being a horrible, picky, nasty, b!tchy person?

    Another question this begs, is, if I do choose to call it off, how? I’m bad with those kind of talks, I go in with good intentions and end up just saying what the other person wants to hear.
    Also, he’s invested a fair bit of money into me – do I offer to pay him some of that, in order to acknowledge that I know he didn’t get back what he thought he would?

    Gah.


    ssa123
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:38 pm #45916

    The good:
    – He lets me dribble on and doesn’t whinge about me talking so much
    – He seems to really like me, which is rare, I don’t get that very often!
    – He’s close to his family
    – This will sound materialistic, but I’ve never been out with anyone with a decent job and a car before; and he has both (so I’m not feeling used)
    – He’s a nice person, I think, and that’s also new for me – in the past I’ve gone for either troubled guys, angry guys or guys i could “save”.

    I don’t know! Do I stick at it? Do I cut him loose? Am I being a horrible, picky, nasty, b!tchy person?

    Another question this begs, is, if I do choose to call it off, how? I’m bad with those kind of talks, I go in with good intentions and end up just saying what the other person wants to hear.
    Also, he’s invested a fair bit of money into me – do I offer to pay him some of that, in order to acknowledge that I know he didn’t get back what he thought he would?

    Gah.


    ssa123
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:39 pm #45918

    The good:
    – He lets me dribble on and doesn’t whinge about me talking so much
    – He seems to really like me, which is rare, I don’t get that very often!
    – He’s close to his family
    – This will sound materialistic, but I’ve never been out with anyone with a decent job and a car before; and he has both (so I’m not feeling used)
    – He’s a nice person, I think, and that’s also new for me – in the past I’ve gone for either troubled guys, angry guys or guys i could “save”.

    Do I stick at it? Do I cut him loose? Am I being a horrible, picky, nasty, b!tchy person?

    Another question this begs, is, if I do choose to call it off, how? I’m bad with those kind of talks, I go in with good intentions and end up just saying what the other person wants to hear.
    Also, he’s invested a fair bit of money into me – do I offer to pay him some of that, in order to acknowledge that I know he didn’t get back what he thought he would?


    ssa123
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:39 pm #45917

    The good:
    – He lets me dribble on and doesn’t whinge about me talking so much
    – He seems to really like me, which is rare, I don’t get that very often!
    – He’s close to his family
    – This will sound materialistic, but I’ve never been out with anyone with a decent job and a car before; and he has both (so I’m not feeling used)
    – He’s a nice person, I think, and that’s also new for me – in the past I’ve gone for either troubled guys, angry guys or guys i could “save”.

    I don’t know! Do I stick at it? Do I cut him loose? Am I being a horrible, picky, nasty, b!tchy person?

    Another question this begs, is, if I do choose to call it off, how? I’m bad with those kind of talks, I go in with good intentions and end up just saying what the other person wants to hear.
    Also, he’s invested a fair bit of money into me – do I offer to pay him some of that, in order to acknowledge that I know he didn’t get back what he thought he would?

    Gah.