Advice needed: Dealing with and dating an Ex

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Advice needed: Dealing with and dating an Ex

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    bayareasportsfan29
    Participant
    April 14, 2015 at 3:23 am #77171
    Advice needed: Dealing with and dating an Ex

    Forum readers,
    So I am a 28yr old male, seeking advice about my ex and how I should handle the situation. Its been very hard to figure out and getting difficult to make decisions. I’ll start with a background on our relationship to give insight. We met In Feb of 2011, both working for the same company. I was single at the time and she was married, but considering divorce. We weren’t particularly close at work until our boss moved her to the cubicle next to mine and assigned us to work on same projects. From there he considered us both to be his favorite employees, and would invite us both to happy hours, proceed to open a tab an leave it open after one drink letting us have whatever we wanted. This was around summer/fall of ’11; and we would spend countless hours talking and venting about my petty problems and her impending divorce. Nothing would happen, but the connection grew stronger with every drunken night. This went on for a few mo’s until the office Xmas party happened (cont’)


    bayareasportsfan29
    Participant
    April 14, 2015 at 3:35 am #77172

    after the party, we shared an uber and while dropping her off I asked to use her restroom and proceeded to kiss her omw out. This was the spark that started it all. She filed for divorce in Jan, and it was finalized in April Of 2012. During this time we started sleeping together, hanging out almost every night, she would tell her future ex husband that she was working late or had to go to a work happy hour. I felt terrible, but she assured me it had been long over before we met. We kept our relationship a secret until the divorce was finalized in April. Once it was final and she moved out, we were officially a couple. I think it’s also important to note she’s 5 yrs older. So at the time I was 25 an she’s 30. Relationship was amazing, she let me be me, we literally never fought, which was insane bc every couple does. She made me a better person and genuinely happy enery day. It was fun, passionate and amazing. We ended up moving into together in Sept of 2012 and lived together until …


    bayareasportsfan29
    Participant
    April 14, 2015 at 8:30 am #77173

    About 2 weeks ago. Things progressed and we got more and more serious. In winter of 2013 we talked about our future and getting engaged. To this day she doesn’t know I started making payments on a $27k flawless engagement ring from tiffanys that I now only have $800 bucks or so left on it. We had plans of marriage and spending our lives together and everything was great. In Feb of 2014 i had my wisdom teeth taken out and was prescribed a heavy narcotic for pain. This was the start of downfall. I didn’t use them at all really and saved them. the gf and I would take them recreationally as a fun chill night..I know terrible idea. Well once every couple months bc once a month for me, then every other week, then spiraled out of control for me and became a vicious addiction. By fall of 2014 i had accepted a new job as a senior investment consultant at a prominent investment firm in dc. I was only paid 38k til I passed all my licensing exams when my pay would double plus commission. Cont’d


    bayareasportsfan29
    Participant
    April 14, 2015 at 8:30 am #77174

    During this time my finances became extremely tight as I was used to making double and I was accustomed to a certain lifestyle with luxury cars, a large home, New furniture, and a pill prob that was costing me way more than I care to admit to. I was hiding this all of course and lying about my financial situation. Thanksgiving came around and she sat me down to say she had seen some late bills and calls come and told me that she needed me to be honest and be serious about my future if we were to have the future we wanted. I had at this pt failed my series 7 exam..twice and was given 60 days to find a new job. The addiction had won. I was over extended and overwhelmed and didn’t have an answer. Things were rocky as a couple with our first fights, and talks of a break. I got a job before my tenure was up at current job and that helped slightly, but we had an impending decision about our lease coming up in March of 15. Xmas and my bday passed in Jan an things were going poorly. Cont’d