Advice on Dating Older/Inexperienced?

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Advice on Dating Older/Inexperienced?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    itskeevo
    itskeevo
    Participant
    April 5, 2013 at 12:53 pm #27825
    Advice on Dating Older/Inexperienced?

    Alright, I’m sort of confused on what I should do next. I met this guy back in December and he seemed completely into me. After going out a couple of times, I didn’t see any chemistry. I was dating other guys as well and testing out the fields, but he’s still the last guy standing. He feels the need to tell me about his life and the important things going on. He was looking for a apartment recently and I told him I could help him since I’m in the industry. We went out and found the perfect place. After he dropped me off, he wanted my opinion on which is the better deal.Why not call his friends and family? Anyway, he just likes my help and likes to tell me what’s going on with him. He’s a busy guy. He’s working a full time job, getting his masters, and he just turned 30. I’m 24 by the way. Each time I see him, I feel more of a connection. He’ll invite me over to watch a movie and just cuddle or fall asleep together. We have done other things as well, but it’s never all the time. I feel as if he treats me as if we are in a relationship already. He’ll leave the door unlocked to his house if he’s going to grab something really quick If I’m on my way over. He will joke around and ask me to help him purge his stuff or hang up his laundry. And when I see him, it’s like he doesn’t want me to leave, even if we both know I’ve got to go. So what’s the problem right? I recently told him how I felt about him. He told me that he couldn’t see us going past friends. I asked him if he’s ever been with a guy before because I had this feeling he had not. I was right, he has not. I’m not sure what the issue is. He seems to be slowly accepting himself and who he is. He could definitely use some tuning up. After admitting to him that I liked him, I expected him to stop talking. That’s just what I’m use to. I know he wants to be friends but usually that can be awkward. I told him that there were no pressures and I liked where we stood. I just needed to know if we were on the same page before I put him in the friend zone. Not even 3 hours later of telling him how I feel, he drunk texts me. Just talking about random things and how drunk he is. He’s definitely confusing me. Is he trying to tell me to read between the lines? Now what?


    bmh99
    Participant
    April 8, 2013 at 6:39 pm #28000

    Hmm. I think you should back off and stop giving him so much attention. Let him explore these new feelings and don’t let him tease you anymore. Are you attracted to his wide-eyed insecurities of becoming a gay man? And do you just want to be there when he can call you his first boyfriend? Like I said, let him explore these new feelings without you. I don’t think you’re helping his up-and-down feelings by constantly feeding to his needs.

    He’s not going to call you his BF any time soon since he’s confused about who he is as a person. He literally said he wants to be friends, so don’t push the envelope. Easier said than done, but put your excitement aside and give him the space he deserves.

    Also, drunk texts are drunk texts, especially to you, a guys he only wants to cuddle with but not commit to.

    Be kind and stop going over to his place. Say you’re a bit busy and he’ll understand. If he wants to ever catch up over lunch or dinner or drinks, keep things brief and don’t let it go past to an over night thing. Be in control and be strong!


    chipdip
    Participant
    April 15, 2013 at 5:43 pm #28850

    Sounds like he’s just playing the field. Let him roam around and meet other guys. It’s like trying on a wedding dress, in most cases you don’t normally LOVE the first one and you’re willing to at least go for it one more time. He doesn’t owe you anything so just be his friend and don’t let him lead your emotions the wrong way!


    TreyKillz
    Participant
    April 17, 2013 at 6:37 pm #29044

    the drunk texts are not helping you in this case. Ignore them and tell him the next day when he’s sober that you don’t think it’s fair for him to be all up in your business late-night.

    CalvinLevi
    CalvinLevi
    Participant
    April 18, 2013 at 6:26 pm #29138

    WHAT HAPPENED NEXTTT? Are you still talking to him????

    BrodyJames
    BrodyJames
    Participant
    April 19, 2013 at 12:03 pm #29169

    He told me that he couldn’t see us going past friends.

    Although it’s something you con’t want to hear, you can’t ignore his original feeling to you. He said he can’t commit, so don’t try and force it. Let him figure things out by himself first.


    goodguy2
    Participant
    October 28, 2013 at 1:04 pm #42017

    You’re an enigma. Initially, you said that you weren’t attracted to him and was seeing other guys–but for whatever reasons they didn’t pan out–so you stuck with this guy because he was the last standing. As you spent more time with him your opinion changed and you decided that maybe something could come out of this, but apparently he doesn’t share the same assessment–and you’re upset.

    It doesn’t matter if he has been in an previous relationships–and frankly I don’t see the age thing as being that significant He’s a human being, and knows what he likes and doesn’t like–the pitter patter is there for you–as it wasn’t for you at first.

    Getting pissed off and acting it out, albeit in word or deed is not going to bring him around–if anything it’s only serving to prove to him that he’s making the right decision.


    Lhasa1951
    Participant
    February 20, 2014 at 12:00 pm #48087

    I’d be concerned about the drinking!


    annerollman
    Participant
    February 20, 2014 at 6:45 pm #48152

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    annerollman
    Participant
    February 20, 2014 at 6:47 pm #48153
    Reply To: Advice on Dating Older/Inexperienced?

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    50sNewbie
    Participant
    July 1, 2014 at 2:03 pm #56638
    Reply To: Advice on Dating Older/Inexperienced?

    He is still young, so I would give him a little space and give yourself time to think.