Advise required – should I go for it?


Advise required – should I go for it?

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    September 22, 2015 at 4:09 pm #85730
    Advise required – should I go for it?

    Hi all,

    I’m seeking some advice here if possible, as I’m totally crap at situations like this – in fact I’ve purposely avoided relationships and reading signals for years to avoid getting rejected or hurt.

    There is a girl I’ve met, I don’t know her too well, she doesn’t know me too well, but something clicks when we talk. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. I’ve fancied girls before, but this is just different. When we spoke (work stuff, not personal) she pays attention, like doesn’t take her eyes off me whilst I speak, turns her whole body towards me. Her smile is wide as well, that’s the one thing I always remember about her from the times we’ve interacted – her smile. Just looks and feels so warm and welcoming.

    How would people approach this (who have a bit more experience!). I don’t want to sound creepy and start talking to her like a weirdo, but I want to start getting to know her more….but I don’t know how or where to start. Am i reading this wrong?


    September 22, 2015 at 7:27 pm #85742

    Start talking to her about personal stuff. Ask her about herself. Do this for a few weeks, but make some progress getting to know her. If she is still giving you signs of interest with the smiles, eye contact, and body language then be polite, assertive and ask her directly. If you are not assertive, you might kill the little interest she has already. Women like it when a man is assertive and confident, so simply say “Are you free Thursday afternoon?” If she says yes, then say “Have a drink with me.” Or, you can go the safer route and ask her to have coffee with you somewhere. If her indications that she is interested are true, she will accept if she is able, and if not she will say “I can’t Thursday but I am free next Wednesday.” If she is not interested she will simply turn you down, likely with a weak excuse and no invitation to reschedule, and you can leave it at that without getting hurt because there was never anything to begin with. You’ve got nothing to lose.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  matt67.

    September 22, 2015 at 11:58 pm #85769

    Yeah I agree, you should start talking to her a bit more; those do seem like good signs if they’re true. From my experience, the longer I wait to actually make a move, the less of a good chance I tend to have. I’m not exactly an expert, but just my two cents. There have also been times where I talked to a girl on a regular basis for too long without asking her out somewhere and ended up getting friend-zoned or they thought I wasn’t interested.

    That’s not to say there’s pressure to do anything rash either. Then again, a slower and more careful approach may work for some. Depends on both your personalities I suppose.

    September 23, 2015 at 7:43 pm #85842

    This is something that has worked for a really good friend of mine. He asked a woman out for a casual coffee date walk. He mentioned at times asks random questions (which he genuinely does. Questions like: Name that one thing that you would want to do right this instant. If she responds genuinely then he would ask her few related things. He made it game. Which till this day happens and they are still together.
    All I am saying it try asking her fun random question. Prepare a few if you have to. You will get to know her well and she might get conformable and enjoy your company.

    September 24, 2015 at 8:32 am #85836

    Thanks for the comments, appreciate it. To be honest, as much as the turn down situation doesn’t seem too bad looking at it, for me I just couldn’t face that. that’s why I keep dodging this stuff and why I keep searching out for every signal in the world before doing anything, ever.

    It doesn’t help that my confidence in this sort of stuff is through the floor. That’s why I’m looking for red flashing lights and neon signs, sirens and alarms all over her body before I act. The fear of rejection is something I’m not sure how I’ll react to, seeing as I’ve never really had a relationship before. All pretty sad really!

    September 24, 2015 at 4:16 pm #85876

    Start by taking it slowly. Ask her about herself but leave the questions light to start with. There is no need to jump right in the deep end. Hopefully once you have the conversation flowing, things will become much more easy going.

    September 28, 2015 at 7:38 am #86029

    Yes you should go for it.
    Only, don’t take it so seriously.
    You’ve already talked, right? The hard part is over.
    Don’t get caught up on “fear of being rejected” etc.
    Getting turned down is unavoidable sometimes.
    What’s more important is to learn and move on if that happens.

    September 28, 2015 at 2:36 pm #86056

    The worst thing you can do is be afraid of rejection. I am no ladies man by any means, but from personal experience, the more confident and self assured you are with a girl, the more they notice and the further it will go to help you.