After 4 months dating, he pulled back, what can I do

DATING ADVICE FORUM

After 4 months dating, he pulled back, what can I do

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2017 at 5:56 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    wyin79
    Participant
    December 28, 2015 at 4:04 am #90579
    After 4 months dating, he pulled back, what can I do

    He moved to my country and start his expat life for almost 1 year, and still plans to stay longer. He’s nice, not that kind of who just want to play. I’m pretty sure about it. We both have stable job.We met each other in a picnic trip and got my eyes on him right the moment I saw him. We start dating for 4 months. Last month, we started to be more and more busy, he got some new classes to cover and I had a lot of tasks to do. Then I felt he’s kinda distant.He didn’t want to go out too much, we had a few dates but he always rescheduled them. Sometime he didn’t want to go out with me but only want to stay home and watch a tv show with his friends
    Once I sent him a message to ask if I can come over and use his internet because my internet at home dropped on me and I went to some places but their wifi’s suck. Just 30 minutes to use internet. No replied. Then the next day I sent him a message to ask if he want to go and see a new horrow with me. Still no replied.
    (continued below)


    wyin79
    Participant
    December 28, 2015 at 4:04 am #90580

    So I stopped texting him.
    After 4 days, still nothing from him. So I decided to send him a message and ask him what’s going on and something like You don’t want to talk to me? Then he replied me that Not at all but he’s about to go for work then he would reply me when he’s back. Guess what? No replies. So I didn’t say a word or ask anything. Next day, he sent me other message to tell me He’s about go to work (again) – I know it’s the truth btw, and he would send me a message or call me when he come back, it would be around 8.30pm. So I waited, waited, and waited… Nothing.
    And the next day, he sent me a long message and told me he’s very sorry because he was so busy with more classes to cover. And he has something to tell me, He wanted to speak to me over a coffee but he decided to sent me message and tell me what’s going on.


    wyin79
    Participant
    December 28, 2015 at 9:15 am #90581

    All he said is, he want to pull back. In past recent weeks he’s been thinking hard about his future, about what he’s doing, and about us. He realized that he will move out from my country at some point in the future. So if we’re continuing as were wasn’t the best thing to do. He said that he like me but he doesn’t think that what we’re doing can just stay as it is. He said that he knew I have the same thought (in fact I had) but he didn’t want to thing completely fucked between us because of those reason, why we have to fix something which isn’t broken. But back to reality, what will happen when he decide to leave. He will stay in my country for a while but he doesn’t know how long and things change quickly. And someone will get hurt when something change.
    He said that he had an amazing time with me and happy with how thing was going but he may have setting himself up for something where he was gonna be hurt in the future or something.
    (continued below)


    wyin79
    Participant
    December 28, 2015 at 9:15 am #90582

    So he think we should pull back a bit, but he want to stay in contact, he wants us still be friend, continue being nice to each other. I have no choice but say Yes…
    Back to me, I don’t want it to be happened. I really want to continue with him because we’re not very early stage and had a very good time together and who know what will happen in the future? Not a long time ago, he had a very firm plan for his life, and suddenly he started to worry about it, and have some other options then still went back to the first plan.I don’t want thing to be stopped like that. We still have a lot of plans together. I stopped contacting him for 1 weeks. Just enjoy my life, hang out with friends, do what’s good for me and stalk him. lol. He seem to be busy with work and hang out a lot with friends.
    Should I contact him again? I mean I’ll wait for a while (may be 1 months) and contact him again or I or what? I will just do it slowly. I really wonder if I can make things change and get him back 🙁


    lovememore
    Participant
    December 28, 2015 at 6:43 pm #90622

    My ex did the same with me when he broke up with me. You should not contact him, he is no longer interested in you and the best way to get him back is to show you have more fun without him. It will rub his ego that it was his loss and not your loss. Stay friends, but not best friends. He will come back to you if he really loved you in the first place. Post all your good moments in social media to show your good time.


    wyin79
    Participant
    December 28, 2015 at 8:31 pm #90624

    It’s so sad. I’m still so into him. Even I try to go out more, meet up with friend or other guys but when I get back home, It’s getting worse. LOL. He seem really enjoy his life, hang out with his friends and drink until late everyday, even work until late that I never saw him work that hard. I still hope that he may miss me after every drink night. Haha. So all I need to do is just waiting. I’ve been waiting for him since the first day. I’ve never been that patience. lol. But I think it should be good when I take time to think about it carefully before acting.

    Btw, I hope that it’s not because of the sexual reason, because he’s kinda…. I mean u can count it by seconds but It’s not my faults, I think so.
    So what did u do at that time? Did u try to get him back or what?


    lovememore
    Participant
    December 29, 2015 at 10:30 am #90647

    Yes, I tried calling him and even going to places I know I could accidentally see him. He did communicate with me again, but was not happy. I can tell he just doesn’t want to concern with me anymore and his eyes are telling me that he thinks I’m pitiful for not understanding him. Even the air is toxic, my heart used to be in so much pain. I say his name longingly and could only replay our past happy moments. Looking at our old pictures gave me depressing feelings. Nothing cured me until just three months ago, I found a new crush and knew this new guy cares about me not sexually but cares for my career and future. It hit me to spend more time with this new person and I released that my ex was all about good time only, but never imagined me in his future. Thus, holding onto him is pointless and will lead to nothing. Sometimes, we can’t believe that there are other guys out there who is a better match until we meet one. That was the case for me, I didn’t believe it until it happened.


    wyin79
    Participant
    December 31, 2015 at 4:04 am #90751

    I see. Luckily I didn’t do any needy things. I just kept quite since then. Time pass, this feeling may go away, If not then I need to talk to him, to face it and deal with myself. But anyway Congrat. That you find someone better. xoxox