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linda_zhangParticipantFebruary 15, 2015 at 2:43 pm #73467
I am almost 30 years old and never date anyone. I had a very shaky relationship with my parents (they were very critical and judgemental) during my teens and twenties. Back then, I thought that once I date a guy, he would find things that he does not like about me he would criticise me ruthlessly, like my parents used to do. I used to be depressed too and had to be clinically treated at one time in my life.
Now that my depression phase is over and my relationship with my parents has improved, I am more than ready to start dating. But my dilemma is that, I kind of want to just have a few short dating relationships before I settle on a more stable one. I always have this idea that I am going to hurt the person I date when I break up with him or that people would have a bad impression of me as a serial dater or just that when I break him with my date, it would be very awkward to hang out with our common friends.
How should I start dating? Please help.
amainaraParticipantFebruary 15, 2015 at 3:09 pm #73470
Well, I think you should be sure about two things at first: a) you should be comfortable in your own skin while dating. It doesn’t matter if you are only looking for a short-term relationship. b) You have to enjoy it. Have some fun, don’t think about the future too much. You can’t know what would happen.
That being said, don’t worry about hurting the other’s feelings, just enjoy the moment and relax. Who knows, maybe you can end up in love with the guy.
Be confident, don’t be afraid of rejection (it may happen) or of make the fool of yourself. Smile and give them the opportunity to know you better.
I think that’s the most important thing. Allow yourself to enjoy it without thinking too much,
redpoppyParticipantFebruary 16, 2015 at 11:51 am #73508
Hey there! I’m 22 but I’m kind of in the same position as you. I’ve never felt comfortable with dating ’till now, for some psychological problems, let’s just say. Now I’m trying to get out there but I do too think I don’t want a “real” relationship either. I feel behind compared to those people who were already dating during their teen years, and I get a bit of anxiety when I think about serious stuff when I still know so little about dating. :/ Anyway I think there’s no use in worrying! And I also think there’s no use in planning… I think you should just try and see what happens with whomever you’ll meet 🙂 you may want to have short relationships now, but what if you meet someone you actually like? You’ll decide then wether or not you want to be with this someone or get a bit more of experience. I think you shouldn’t worry at all about the outcome, and should just start meeting people! Whatever comes next, you can’t know I guess.
FlurianaParticipantFebruary 28, 2015 at 10:21 am #74399
Better than me. I am 35 & don’t know what relationship is!
SamiParticipantFebruary 28, 2015 at 4:57 pm #74414
If you are not very experienced, you should be carefull in this phase because you may have a crush for guys that will not respect you. Since you are inexperinced. Take it easy!
Because, the big problem that may arouse here is that you plan to date a man just to date, no big deal… and when you least expect it, you end up falling in love with that very first guy you only wanted to date.
I think you should be carefull with the kind of guys you allow to enter your life.
The bad boys will treat you like “meat”, they will probably hurt your feelings.
But, very important: trust your intuition!
If you are having thoughts about some man that behaves like an asshole, and you are afraid to trust him… Trust your intuition.
Dimlight00ParticipantMarch 1, 2015 at 7:28 am #74428
I think that you should really focus on becoming the best version of yourself before going out in the dating world. You should dwfinitely feel comfortable with yourself and confident and then, of course, you should start dating. You will eventually find the exact right person for you, I am sure. You sound like a very genuinely good person.
highschoolgirlParticipantMarch 4, 2015 at 8:24 pm #74777
I think that you shouldn’t worry about breaking anyones heart because chances are that you aren’t going to marry the first person you date. You should just find someone, date them, and see where it goes from there. I wish you the best of luck
H8RealityWithHugePassion217ParticipantMarch 14, 2015 at 12:17 am #75357
unfortuneately, if a man is bitter and resentful, no woman will want him, and its hard to not be bitter and resentful when you are dealt with the card of having to do the pursuing, be the initiator, I don’t like it or embrace it.
grassisgreenParticipantMarch 20, 2015 at 3:48 pm #75759
Well, if your doing this, your doing it for you. Don’t worry about the other person unless Yall start to care for each other. This is life and those things happen. My ex still isn’t iver our breakup from TWO years ago. These things happen and life goes on. Go out with some friends. Do activities. You have to go places to meet people, and you can have fun while your doing it.
H8RealityWithHugePassion217ParticipantMarch 23, 2015 at 10:07 pm #75870
it angers me, pisses me off whenever people say it is never too late
lovechocolateParticipantMarch 26, 2015 at 1:40 am #76047
I think you worry so much that this is the only thing holding you back, start out creating new friends and go from there
datingtobeirresistibleParticipantApril 9, 2015 at 12:28 pm #76961
HI linda_zhang! First step to dating is asking for help and recognizing some of your fears you have around it. My advice to you, if you want to start dating is LOVE yourself. You are worthy of love and a relationship. You need to be okay with the idea that you will get hurt and you will hurt someone. It does not make them a bad person or vice versa. We’re humans. By trial, you learn what you want and don’t want and learn to appreciate a person once you have found them. So how to start dating?
Find what puts you in your irresistible zone. Ex. When I listen to Beyonce “Run the World’ I get confident, sassy, playful and accompanying that with my favorite shoes I feel like I’m unstoppable. Why does it matter to find this confident zone? because you will bring out your best side and men pick up on that. They want to talk and date the woman that’s happy with herself and is having a great time. Charisma and confidence are very intoxicating and everyone wants to be around that person.
AnonymousApril 10, 2015 at 8:26 pm #77066
Of course you should start dating! Dating is a beautiful thing if done for the right reasons. Right reasons? Living such an awesome life that you want to share it with someone else. Is your life that great that you want to share it? When people answer no, then they’re wanting to be in a relationship to subconsciously fill a void. I had a friend who could help but want to be in a relationship. She always had to be dating someone no matter what. She was a wonderful and beautiful person too.
As for hurting someone when breaking up with them, don’t worry about that. That’s none of your concern how they handle a break up as long as you do it in a respectful and honest manner. You shouldn’t have to suffer staying with someone you don’t want to be with just because they want to be with you. That’s selfish on their part. I remember a girl broke my heart years ago and I wanted to get back with her so bad. My dad called and told me, “she deserves happiness too.” He was right and I am over her.
AnonymousApril 10, 2015 at 8:27 pm #77067
that is a great story ellge. Sounds meant to be 🙂
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