Am I being played by my ex

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Am I being played by my ex

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    losee
    Participant
    December 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm #17940
    Am I being played by my ex

    Well I broke up with him a year ago after a 10 month relationship with him. He saw it as a bad break up since some guys and his guy friends couldn’t wait to get close to me and he thought I was a slut. It was a whole bad first 6 months for him ignoring and being mean to me. Then we started to talk and clear things up the last 6 months. But he was still awkward at most, he would text me and be flirty one week and stopped texting or even saying hi to me in person. It was not fun cuz I always wanted to make up with him at least at a good friends level. It was very frustrating cuz he was being hot and cold.

    Until recently, he finally dated another girl after me but it lasted only for a few days. He texted me the day right after he broke up with her and being all flirty and stuff and couldn’t wait to tell me about the break up. He told me it was meaningless to kiss someone if you have no feelings for. He realized it once he kissed her and decided to end it. She was the only girl he has kissed after me.

    We started to text everyday since then and we decided to go to the movies with a few couples. At the movie, he was trying to hold my hand but I didn’t feel comfortable cuz we were not dating. After that he and I went to eat alone and talk. He told me he was a jerk to me and I was so sweet that I still talked to him. He also told me that guys in the football team always talk about me and how much they wanted to get with me. He said he got all mad becuz he knew I could be his if he didn’t let me go. I was shocked becuz I always thought I didn’t mean anything to him since he treated me so bad after the break up. We hugged and he kissed me on my cheek goodbye. I was kinda out of it since it was too much to take in.

    He continued to text me and we flirted a lot and were joking about being friends with benefits. I was interested becuz I have already decided not to date anyone before college. I am very into school and I get really good grades and am actually one of the top students and a scholar athelete in school. Also, the experience I had with him put me in a “not worth it” mode. But all the stress from school and friends(my best friend betrayed me) put me in a really lonely and sad situation. I really needed someone that I feel comfortable with and trust. We did have a solid friendship in the 10 months relationship. We talked and saw each other almost everyday. I am a strong believer in friendship before relationship.

    We decided to get together on a night and we kissed and stuff. He was really touchy and I had a really good time with him. It was like a lost feeling of being so close to someone you can trust. It was a short night and we both didn’t want it to end.

    After that night, we still texted each other during the break but it was more like a flirty and teasing kinda of talk more than a real and sweet one. Actaully, I prefer this cuz I don’t want a relationship with him becuz he was really controlling and jealous. But with FWB relationship, he won’t and can’t be jealous, at least to my understanding…

    Things started to get a little bit frustrating when we went back to school. He was all weird at school. He would come to say hi and hug me in the morning then come to the group and hang but avoid eye contact with me. He would mess with other friends but wouldn’t even look at me. It feels so weird and uncomfortable. It lasted a few days for him being friendly one moment and strange the next. He cut down on texting me and his tone of voice has changed. He was sweeter before but now it was like he’s pulling back. On Thursday, he even ignored me at school and I had to go up and say hi to him. I asked if he was mad but he insisted he wasn’t and was nice again. Then Friday, I texted me and he ignored my text and I got frustrated and texted him saying that it was not very nice to ignore people’s text. I told him if anything went wrong or he felt uncomfortable about the whold BWF thing, he should tell me and we could stop. I was upset and I told him it’s not working if he ignored me. He then texted me back and said he was out with friends and didn’t have his phone. I said ok, then he texted me back saying “so, are we good?:)” in a friendly manner. I was confused to the max.

    I was trying to analyze the whole thing and couldn’t get an answer. It was pretty obvious that I got played from what I told here but the more you know him, the more you would doubt it. If it’s only for physical, he could have it all with other girls but he rejected them and kept being single the whole year. Just a couple kisses with that girl, he pulled away and stopped once he found out it’s not working. He’s not into physcial without feelings. He was very into me and wanted more after we hung out but he just stopped being like this while we were back to school. He chose to stay with me for ten months even though I totally refrained him from being too touchy. I didn’t even french kiss him during the whole relationship but he still stuck around. He told me he regretted letting me go… well he’s not the lying type of guy, he would tell you the truth even though he knows it would hurt. He would break up with girls right the way if he doesn’t think it’s working. He rejected me when I suggested to try again right after I broke up with him and he ignored and stayed away from me the following months. He’s always under control if he wants to. But he never told me he wanted to stop this..

    More info might help here. According to others, I’m out of his league and I’m one of the most wanted girls in school ( I don’t believe it and I don’t think so) but guys always approach me and I got asked by 6 guys to Homecoming. He and other guys also told me I am the type of girl that guys will kill to have. I guess it is more than I know… And it is also one of the reasons why he was mad and jealous the entire 10 months and I had to leave him becuz of the stress he brought me. Will this be the reason why he’s being hot and cold cuz he doesn’t want to deal with me? Did I make him feel inferior? Did I intimidate him? I’m not that type of girl that play people’s heart. There’s always a reason why I chose him two years ago and I chose him to be my cuddle buddy again and he’s the only guy that I have got this close to….I have never kissed other guy other than him.

    Please tell me if I got played?

    carlycatz
    carlycatz
    Participant
    December 3, 2012 at 1:04 pm #17970

    Ah. A few things.

    Going back to him for FWB is only hurting you because now, you’re the one interested in it becoming more than that. He is hot and cold at school probably because he seriously doesn’t know how to act around you. Believe me, guys are terrible with reading our behavior so don’t expect him to cling on to his phone like you do.

    At this point, yes he’s had the upper hand because you’re waiting for his next breath his next text, everything just to ask and see how you two are “doing.” You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep expecting more from him when you’ve already set the FWB boundaries.

    Sounds like you’re a wonderful girl and you have a lot of things going for you and your future. Try this: Put yourself in a separate set of shoes and try to give yourself advice as if this was a girlfriend of yours. What would you recommend? I’d recommend reevaluating yourself as a young woman and really asking yourself what you want from a guy. Don’t forget you DO deserve the best, and from the looks of it you’re holding onto something that doesn’t exist- that boy you dated the first go around. Is it worth the emotional drainage? Hanging onto every text like it’s some kind of newsflash? Because baby you know you have to let go, but you’re afraid. I know.

    You (and him) are trying to avoid heartache and it’s easy to stay in something so comfortable. Let this be a lesson to never stay in a complacent place in your life. This is gonna happen again in a future relationship if you let this situation progress.

    Rip off the band aid, that wound is only getting infected with time.

    dumbGames
    dumbGames
    Participant
    December 4, 2012 at 11:38 am #18079

    I agree with carly that you are holding onto a guy that existed a long time ago. You need to stop being tossed around by his insecurities.

    If you’re such a “great” girl that any guy could have, he’s obviously playing you so you don’t leave!

    carlycatz
    carlycatz
    Participant
    December 16, 2012 at 8:26 pm #18910

    This is just a high school sweetheart story gone so wrong 🙁 you deserve the best! don’t settle!

    KeepItReal
    KeepItReal
    Participant
    December 20, 2012 at 10:51 pm #19285

    Never settle hun! And do your best to become what you are looking for in another person 🙂

    broomhilda
    broomhilda
    Participant
    December 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm #19506

    Yea! Don’t settle you’ll find someone who appreciates you for who you are, you shouldn’t be tossed around like a piece of trash.