Am I being rigid, or…? being late, changing last minute, cancelling….

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Am I being rigid, or…? being late, changing last minute, cancelling….

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    Elenaki
    Participant
    July 3, 2015 at 5:53 pm #81977
    Am I being rigid, or…? being late, changing last minute, cancelling….

    Yesterday, I was supposed to meet my date. I had an appointment in same part of town at around noon, and he asked to push our meeting to 3pm, since he was very busy with work. (we are both doctoral students). I waited around in the area, at beach, in coffeeshops etc. The, at around 2.15 he phoned and said he cannot come. I know that he had a legit reason (work), but this is not the first time this happened. He is very spontaneous, while I am someone who needs a bit of head up to plan things. He sometimes suggests to meet, and then does not follow up and it doesn’t materialise. so he leaves the initiative to me, and half of the time it doesn’t work out, unless is super convenient to him. But if something is indeed so inconvenient (as this last time, it was in the middle of the day on Thursday), he could tell me that he won’t be able to. Instead, he said ok, I waited so long, and still he cancelled when I was already there. How would you react if this happens frequently?


    wingywong
    Participant
    July 4, 2015 at 9:55 pm #81987

    hi elenaki, i’m sorry to hear of your frustration with your date who cancels last minute and only meets you when it’s convenient for him. i would suggest that you explain to him the situation you are in and say i would really love to see you but when you cancel last minute or only meet me when it’s convenient for you it inconveniences me. i would appreciate a heads up next time you need to cancel. if after this conversation it continues to happen then he is not respecting your time and you should let him go. no matter how busy a man is, if he is interested in you he will move heaven and earth to make time for you and spend time with you. so the first time you let it go, maybe it’s by accident or he is not aware; the second time, you make it clear to him, and the third time you say goodbye.


    Nina233
    Participant
    July 5, 2015 at 4:56 pm #81991

    How old is he ? I think this is really problematic, you should discuss it with him. It’s not polite and elegant to make you wait like that, and to cancel at the last minute. If this continues, stop seeing him. There is no excuse to be late all the time, especially when you have a date with a girl. It’s not acceptable.


    asktree
    Participant
    July 6, 2015 at 3:05 am #82000

    No two person ar same. This seems like you are plan ahead of time person and he is go with flow type person. But I think here problem is either communication gap or lack of commitment. The way to decide is being explicit in communication and see how it goes. If its later, then you you can give relationship some time to floursih and review the situation after some time. still, you both are grad students, so both need to respect each other’s resources mainly time. If he don’t give d*m about your time, then you need to decide whether you want to be with such a person or not.