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redpoppyParticipantFebruary 24, 2015 at 12:47 pm #74049
Hello there! This is my second post here and a result of the sad dynamics of the first one. 😛
About me and dating (skip this if you want, but it’s kinda relevant to me): I’m 22 but I’m extremely, extremely unexperienced when it comes to guys. I was fat, with no self-confidence and completely surrounded by girls up until a couple of years ago. It was then that I decided to take care of myself more and not to think of me as a monster compared to the other girls (so yes, I’m a virgin). I’ve gained some self-confidence since then and I’ve started to look around for guys instead of just staying in a corner watching all my friends getting a boyfriend.The problem is I have social anxiety and find it really hard to meet new people without coming off as awkward or mean or weird, and in any case I never feel comfortable with anyone if not after months and months of knowing them and spending time with them.Sometimes I get along with a person exceptionally well and soon, but it’s really rare and basically it happens only with girls. I have in fact a really hard time interacting with guys and I almost panic when I’m alone with one I find even remotely attractive.
Now to the more practical stuff –> I’ve had a few crushes in the past two years and the situations look kinda similar. In the beginning, there is a guy I find nice and funny who shows a slight interest. I panic (internally), of course, but try to play the game the best I can. I spend most of the time wondering if the guy actually likes me or if I’m just imagining it, then I spend the rest of the time wondering if I actually like him or not, when in reality I definitely do (I realize it later). Then after a bit the guy finds another girl and I’m left wondering if
a) there’s something wrong with me
b) he was ever actually interested (even though I’d already thought about it and analyzed every single act or word from him and finally decided he liked or kinda liked me)
I find it hard to believe that it’s all in my mind when I think these guys are into me, and when I ask my friends what they think about their behaviours they agree with me. I mean, what would you think of someone who barely knows you but always texts you and tries to see you somehow, or asks you about your opinion about any kind of stuff, or someone who simply flirts with you?
Though I don’t understand why these crushes followed the same pattern (ending badly). If the guys were actually interested in me, then was it me? Do i need TOO MUCH TIME to feel comfortable and so I make them run away in the meantime? Do you think I show no signs of interest and should be more forward? But what if I can’t be forward ’cause I tend to feel ashamed of it? It’s almost like I can’t see myself being intimate with someone, because for so long I thought I didn’t deserve it, and now I don’t know how to change this behaviour. I’m also deeply afraid of rejection for the same reasons, and always asking myself like “why the hell would he feel the same about you?”
This last guy I liked met this new girl not even a month ago and they’ve been dating for AT LEAST a week (don’t know exactly since when), and I’m here like.. wow, I’ve known him for 5-6 months and we’ve done nothing. Am I too slow or what??
SpringfairyParticipantFebruary 24, 2015 at 3:11 pm #74059
Believe me, your not alone.I’m in the same exact boat as you.
I question the same questions and everything.I’m also afraid of rejecting.
But slowly, I’ve been texting him a bit more.Casually and at a pace I’m comfortable with.
For awhile I thought he was interested in another girl, but suddenly he or she removed the other off their facebook page.
I also try to be more responsive when he talks to me.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.The shyness is just a difficult obstacle.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Springfairy. Reason: none
SamiParticipantMarch 2, 2015 at 9:13 am #74420
You need to increase your level of self esteem.
The way you think about yourself is mirrored by other people. If you go out and you do feel great, the interactions with other people will be much better. Everyting about you, like the energy you emanate, the brightness of your eyes, the body expression, the smile you put on your face… It will all reflect the way you actually feel.
If you like a boy you have to send him some signs… men tend to have difficulties in understanding signs of interest from women.
If you take too long to feel comfortable with a guy, and by consequence, opening yourself more to him (right?) then most of them will give up before you make up your mind.
Go for a shy guy, like you. But don’t take so long to show some signs of interest and to open yourself a bit more.
SMSParticipantMarch 4, 2015 at 5:56 pm #74769
Actually u r not sure about what u r doing wrong ur self so I can’t give u advice specifically about any thing, but I have two things to say to u,
1. There are a lot of very good videos available on u tube which guide men and women about every little aspect of dating and how people react to certain actions when flirting or dating. Thats a nice thing to start.
2. Get out of ur comfort zone. Its not important for only dating, but for success in any field of ur life. No kid learns to run without falling and getting hurt a lot. So Just get confident. Coz thats the key. Be calm when a guy approaches u, see how he is acting try to react accordingly. Even then there could be a lot of fails. Work on ur flaws, maybe get a wing girl, and get her opinion about stuff you do around ur crushes. You will definitely get very good at dating very soon. But dont give up, IF u fail try try again.
highschoolgirlParticipantMarch 4, 2015 at 8:27 pm #74778
I’m very unexperienced when it comes to guys as well. I’m 17 years old and still haven’t even had a first kiss. I don’t think theres something wrong with me, I just think my expectations are too high up there. I usually fall for the guys that are too popular for me, or too athletic for me. I think that you shouldn’t blame yourself for your inexperience, things will happen when they need to 🙂
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