Am I missing red flags or over thinking?

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Am I missing red flags or over thinking?

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    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 17, 2017 at 10:20 am #127428
    Am I missing red flags or over thinking?

    Am I missing red flags or overthinking this? Confused about where this is going. Been texting for almost three months now with this man (I’m 25 and he’s 27). He lives here, but is away right now in school. He made all the moves first. Asking for my number. Texting me almost daily. I can’t tell what his intentions are or if he is taking it seriously. He still communicates with me a lot, even while in school and busy with life. He used to text me a lot in the evening time. But now I have noticed him communicating in the morning time and sometimes we will go all day long. He’s busy with his life, but when he has down time he seems to want to talk to me. Like yesterday, he talked to me all day into the night, because he was on a trip for school on a bus. I don’t know if this is a good thing. Him wanting to talk to me when he has time, or just to pass time, because he is bored.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 17, 2017 at 10:21 am #127429

    He likes to joke a lot, so sometimes I can’t tell what is real. He calls me cute nicknames, which are versions of my own name. Sometimes he will say “Hey *my name* baby,” The tone is flirtatious and sexual at times. I have made it clear that I am not making the long drive to see him at school. He knows this. He will now joke saying things like “get here now please,” and “come join me doing…”

    He knows I won’t be doing that. Last night we were flirting about being in the shower together. He knows I am not totally innocent, but I do not have a lot of experience with being with men. I think he likes it. Sometimes his flirtatiousness makes me nervous though and I put up this front to try and act like I don’t need him and I’m independent. He tries to reassure me and tell me not to close off.

    The other day I was very skeptical and I think I made a comment which took on that tone. He said “I know you aren’t some easy girl or anything like that. You don’t need to overcompensate.”


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 17, 2017 at 10:21 am #127430

    I appreciated that he knows this and acknowledges it. At this point, I have made it very clear what type of woman I am. Not an easy one who will just sleep with you. But then he continues to make suggestive comments to me and we go back and forth. He wants to spank me. At first it shocked me. Someone being so blunt like that. I find it really hot now. But I hold back admitting it. He has caught on though. He thinks it’s cute how it shocks me. He also calls me out telling me that he knows it turns me on and that I would enjoy it. He tells me not to deny it and that there is nothing wrong with feeling that way and admitting it. How it’s not embarrassing.

    He tells me his intentions are not to just sleep with me. Because I’ve questioned that a bunch of times too. He keeps reassuring me, which is nice. I enjoy talking to him. I guess I get concerned because, for instance yesterday. We texted all day into the night. It was great, but the content was almost all flirting, and cute banter.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 17, 2017 at 10:21 am #127431

    It wasn’t anything serious, deep, or getting to know each other further. He didn’t ask me any questions about me. My life, favorite things, etc… He claims he knows I hold back and am apprehensive because I haven’t met him in person yet. He says he truly understands that.

    My friends have assured me that some guys just don’t want to have deep conversations and get to know someone through texting, since it’s just texting. Some guys would rather get to know you through banter and how you react then playing 20 questions. So maybe that is it. My friends have also said that maybe he is waiting until he comes home to get to know me in person.

    I just keep overthinking and second guessing what he and I are doing. We aren’t dating. But I just don’t get it, if we never end up dating, then why are we talking. I know he’s away and not coming home for another month and a half. It’s a strange situation, one of which I have no experience navigating.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 17, 2017 at 1:02 pm #127476

    he’s wanting sex and something casual. (when that’s the primary thing they goto during conversations.. that means something.)
    my guess is this is what he does and whomever “takes” he goes with. I would skip on this guy. especially since youv’e never met!


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 17, 2017 at 1:10 pm #127479

    I know words are words, but he claims just sex isn’t his intention and he knows I am not the type to just be casual. Why even say that?

    But part of me thinks you are right. I think part of me is in denial, because I do like him. He’s not a bad guy. he’s funny, cute, and smart.

    Do I just stop talking to him? Ghost him? What if he really doesn’t want just sex and I totally let him go and lose out?


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 17, 2017 at 1:24 pm #127483

    Also, I mean he doesn’t really have anything to lose or to gain by our communication. I am not going to sleep with him. He knows this. He is 4 hours away and is only coming around for one weekend in April, then not again until November. Its not like he can even have something casual or casual sex with me. Its practically impossible. That is why I am so confused.