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seanboe1ParticipantDecember 27, 2012 at 12:11 pm #19504
So a little background first. I am a 29 year old closeted at work Gay man that works as a Paramedic. Recently I was assigned a new partner whom is 21 years old and quite good looking. I immediately took notice and began to develop an innocent crush on him. Our personalities and sense of humor click very well. I felt as though he was straight until I began to pick up on some things that pointed me to in the direction that he would be at least curious. He acts straight (but so do I) but has some effeminate mannerisms such as the way he uses his hands to talk. Also he is VERY flirtatious with me and wants to wrestle and tries to tackle me all the time. There is an occasional strange tension between the two of us which I only get around men who “like me”. We spend 48 hours a week together as partners on an ambulance and have now spent a little bit of time together outside of work. Recently I threw a Christmas party at my house and we ended up spending about 9 days straight together. He had ample opportunity to leave if he wanted. Also it seemed as though he wanted to extend our time together. On our drive back up to work he kept wanting to stop at stores to just walk around. I obliged. Nothing out of the ordinary happened outside of flirting when we were alone together. Also he talks about his penis on a regular basis and I probably know more about his then my own haha. I know he has slept with women and he does brag about how “good he is” and how long he lasts. His current roommate confirmed the hetero sex haha. I have not told him that I am gay but he has asked me on several occasions if I am, and says he would be cool with it. I would like to come out at work and am slowly getting comfortable with the idea. Also while at work we spend a ton of time at our station alone hanging out. On several occasions he has made some “awkward contact” at least awkward for a straight guy. On one occasion he gently grabbed my toes and laughed (that was before our 9 days together). And now this week he grabbed my knee twice, the way a guy grabs his girlfriend or boyfriends knee when they are trying to be “close”. Also that same night we were playing video games and our feet accidentally touched. I moved mine back but he gently rubbed his foot on top of mine and laughed. I found all of this particularly interesting. Also he occasionally tries to poke my nipples when I am laying next to him on the couch and he will randomly touch my face. I have many many straight friends and have never had another heterosexual man touch me like that. When I was touched I made little mention of the matter and laughed a bit myself but I never pulled away and never stopped it. I am pretty sure that he thinks I am straight at this point and just thinks I am a commitment phobe with women. I keep it pretty basic when I talk about dates and imply everything.
He does mention girls . Especially a few obviously attractive ones like Mila Kunas or other very attractive female stars. Usually He’ll say something like I would do dirty things to them. haha. Also on one of the nights we were at my house together he wanted to go the restaurant Twin Peaks (if you don’t know what that is think classy Hooters with better food and atmosphere). We went, and I found myself looking at the girls more than him. I payed pretty close attention to where his eyes wandered and honestly I never saw him make a glance at the very scantily clad women there. Also occasionally I make “gay“ comments such as one day while watching TV I made a comment about Mathew McConaughey being doable and he stated “ I would fuck him”, also I have made a few gay sex comments and he will reciprocate and even sound willing to perform if you catch my drift.
Recently he began using gay slurs like “that is so gay” and that is faggy” or “don’t be a fag”. This is a huge departure from our previous months working together I have no idea why he changed. When he says things like that I tell him it’s stupid to stay things like that and it just makes you look stupid. He stops after I get mad.
He is pushed to talk to girls all the time even by friends and even me haha but makes no significant attempt. The girls I know he has slept with are how do I say this politely a bit on the promiscuous side. He has not had a girlfriend since High School. He says he is just super awkward around girls and that is why he has not made any headway in that area. So is this guy straight and just super comfortable with his sexuality, or is he sending me signals that he wants more? My crush at this point has all but worn off but I am still attracted to this guy. I would like to come out at work but I still have a few concerns about actually doing that. Eventually it will happen. The county he grew up in and I work in is extremely conservative and not very accepting of LGBT so gay kids struggle there. Sorry for the long winded questions and thanks for the responses. I will be back for follow up.
DerekJParticipantDecember 27, 2012 at 12:57 pm #19521
First, I don’t think you should come out until you’re 100% ready. I wouldn’t come out because there’s a small crush lingering at work. I think you should keep it simple with him. He is DEFINITELY sending you mixed signals and I don’t think he plans on explaining himself.
Seems like a cool guy around the ladies and he has a confident ego he’s not willing to tarnish. BUT, I think if you’re open to him he might be supportive? I don’ know for sure obviously but he’s definitely flirting with you without a doubt. If you put your heart out on the line be very careful that he tramples all over it and uses it against you (especially after hearing how he uses those gay slurs). Try to get to know him better though, see what his background is like as far as family and old friends, see where you would stand in his bubble and see if that’s a safe place for you to stay because at the end of the day, you need to be professional with him at work-especially as a paramedic that has people’s lives at the palms of their hands–you can’t let emotions or awkward feelings get in the way when you’re both under pressure!
I personally think the guy is bi, or at least willing to try something new, heck, you might be that first guy he wants to experiment with 😉 With that said, I don’t see it being too serious (it’s too early to tell) so walk on those eggshells until you get some more obvious signs you can move in, and when you do, be prepared for anything!
seanboe1ParticipantDecember 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm #19522
I am slowly coming out to friends and family so it is only a matter of time before I come out at work. I am not doing it in the hopes of attracting him. I have actually now spent quite a bit of time with his family. They live in the county we work in and I have been invited over for dinner and even spent a few hours at his parents house on Christmas morning. I actually know more than most would know about their coworkers simply because of the type of job we have. I have never been given such mixed signals. As far as the gay slurs go they are pretty typical for the guys he grew up with (I know and work with most of his friends SMALL county haha) But he was not using them until our last shift together. Part of me thinks it is him testing my reaction. He may be moving into my place in March once his lease runs out. I live with 2 other roommates and we have been looking for a fourth. All of us work in the same industry.
DerekJParticipantDecember 28, 2012 at 10:13 am #19607
Whoa, curve ball! Hold on, he’s moving in soon? Maybe?
Sounds like you’re just as excited to get to know the man behind the mask and you’re willing to open up your heart AND doors to him!?! If he’s a potential roommate, don’t expect to get serious with him, this is a classic no-no. If anything, be a sincere friend and leave it at that. If he moves in and you have feelings for him, I see it goin downhill if he surprises you with some X factor you never saw coming. Are you expecting him to be some kind of ideal commodity? You seem pretty clustered with emotions after meeting his family and getting closer to him. I think he’s built a wall high enough for you not to see over so he can keep you at arms-length.
You seem mature enough to recognize a sticky situation but you’re naive enough to ignore the mixed signals and complicated questions that are staring at you.
Be careful my friend, keep afloat.
BrodyJamesParticipantJanuary 7, 2013 at 12:54 pm #20070
I think it’s nice you’re able to get to know his family so well and get to know your coworker as a friend….I do however see you like a blind child being pulled left and right by him. Have you figured out if he’s interested in you or not? Sounds like you’ve got a lot of tension built up and don’t know what to do with some many questions…
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