boyfriend troubles..please help!!

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boyfriend troubles..please help!!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    tooshytosay
    tooshytosay
    Participant
    July 1, 2015 at 2:29 pm #81890
    boyfriend troubles..please help!!

    So, making a very long story short, my boyfriend and I met on tinder (yes, i know..) but really hit it off. We have been together now for 7 months and so far….so good? After about 10 days of starting our relationship, his brother dies. This brought us really close really quickly and early on, he told me he loved me. I froze, and told him that I loved him too (i know, mistake 2, I wasn’t really ready to say that). Anyway, after that, we started to have sex and it became a pretty regular thing (like daily). Recently, we have been apart because I am working for the summer. Every time I go to visit, all he wants to do is have sex, and at first I was ok with it because we haven’t seen each other in a while, but at the same time, I feel like our relationship is just about having sex, because that is all that is on his mind. And now, his text messages are filled with ‘talk dirty to me’ and ‘I will love you forever’. I am confused about his messages and am beginning to realize that this

    tooshytosay
    tooshytosay
    Participant
    July 1, 2015 at 2:31 pm #81891

    relationship is beginning to turn out like all of my other failed attempts at relationships in the fact that he uses me for sex and self pleasure. I am just afraid that I am going to end up being abandoned again, because he really does seem to love me, but this is not the kind of relationship that I want. What should I do?


    Elenaki
    Participant
    July 4, 2015 at 7:41 am #81982

    If I were you, I would propose to cool things off on the physical plane for some time – tell him it is temporary! – in order to make other sides of the relationship grow. It will surely take some guts, I know these things are difficult to communicate sometimes, but be brave and tell him this. If he is really your guy and really loves you and cares about you, he will understand. If he will get all offended or try to guilt-trip you, then he is not that great of a guy for you. I was in a very similar situation two years ago, and unfortunately at that time he accused me of suspecting him in only wanting sex, but then he couldn’t exactly prove otherwise, and never tried to spend time in other ways, never was receptive to doing some activities together or just talk and focus on other things. So, in my case unfortunately it was all about sex and then it got dissolved. But in your case hopefully he will see your point and have emotional maturity to respond accordingly.


    HardwareMan
    Participant
    July 5, 2015 at 10:51 pm #81996

    Next time you are asked for sex, come up with a reason not to. Or you could even suggest to him another idea. Try to set the pace for what you want, you can control it! One more thing you can try is to ask him out first, before he can ask for sex. If he does not want to respect that, then he doesn’t deserve someone like you.