Can I get her back?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Can I get her back?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2017 at 9:47 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    cowboys12
    Participant
    January 2, 2013 at 12:53 pm #19752
    Can I get her back?

    So me and this girl dated for about a little more than a year, and towards the last couple months of our relationship we both fell in love and spent a lot of time together. I am a year older than her so when I went off to college a couple states away, and she stayed in high school, I broke up with her in order to give her some space that she wanted.
    However, we said we would remain friends and would get back together the following summer. A few weeks after we broke up I realized i had made a huge mistake and wanted to get back together with her. We still talked all the time and she told me she loved me, but she just wasnt ready to get back into a relationship, but not to worry. As time went on, she started talking to me less and less even though I never changed the way i talked to her. When i came home for fall break, i brought her flowers and brought her out to a fancy dinner and asked her to go out with me in person. She originally said yes, but the next day, took it back. I had to go back to school the following day and she really started talking less and less again. Then whenever we did talk, she would only talk about stuff she did with her friend (who almost dated her right before i started dating her). And they were doing stuff like going the movies and dinner, or going to concerts, or going on walks, and i got a bit jealous. She knew i was jealous but i didnt really say much about it. So for christmas I get her tickets to broadway (something she really loves) and she said she’ll go with me. I gave her the tickets at thanksgiving so that she could save the date, but as december went on, she stopped texting me she loved me and pretty much stopped texting me all together. When i got home for christmas break, she refused to see me and told me that i had lost her, even though I treated her like an angel and told her how much she meant to me and that i couldn’t even think about doing anything with any other girl. I eventually got her to go out and get coffee with me and she told me that she wouldn’t go to broadway with me. So I back off a bit and give her some space, but on new years I show up at a party shes at, tell her to meet me at the driveway where im standing and im going to play my guitar and sing for her. She freaks out and screams at me telling me that this is why we cant be friends and that shes dating her friend she was hanging out with a lot. I dont know what I did wrong and am just so heartbroken becuase I was going to ask her to marry me. I asked her about our plans for next summer and she responded by saying “things are different now”. I really want her back and was wondering if there was any way i could do this.

    EvaLovely
    EvaLovely
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 10:07 am #19957

    oh boy!

    I think the moment you went to college and you thought you made a “mistake” was just your loneliness miles away from friends and high school times getting to your head.

    Although you sound like you’ve been a gentleman the entire time, I hate to be frank, but the distance and age gap is the bigger issue. She can’t relate to you anymore because she hasn’t moved out, started a new school or even put herself in your shoes. YOU are capable of relating to her and how senior year in high school was but she has blinders on. As many times as you’ve tried to shake her awake and invite her to things you knew she’d agree to, she didn’t take the bait because she’s accustomed to her own ways.

    The NYE thing was a bit of a hopeless romantic move so use that as a valuable experience to never expose your heart so freely like that, especially to a girl who hasn’t given you the attention you’ve been dreaming about.

    Things ARE different now. Don’t let your first year in college be about your high school sweetheart. She’s enjoying her senior year, so back off and try to meet girls in your college classes. No use in take one step forward just to take two steps back…


    cowboys12
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 2:38 pm #20017

    alright. makes sense.
    Do you think that when i come home the summer there is any hope? I mean, ill be home and in the same place as her for 3 months. Is there anything i could do to help my chances of getting her back then?


    LIttlePetunia
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 3:23 pm #20029

    Okay – this is coming from an older woman, so I tell you this bluntly…and sorry, not so gently.

    Let it go. Let her go. Move on. Stop obsessing over this one girl. Have you completely lost sight of where you are? You’re in college man! Go be a college student. Go do stupid guy things with other stupid college guys. (Study too, of course) But be young, have fun, and kiss a few other girls. And when I say kiss, I mean kiss. No need to be a man whore and get yourself infected with something.

    She, while was obviously your first love, is just that. A first love. It’s over, she’s moved on, and you need to as well because it sounds like you’re missing your life as it is right now. Missing it as in…you’re not seeing it; you’re not involved. And why in the heck would you want her back anyway? She slowly distanced herself from you, then completely jacked you out of her life, is dating SOMEONE ELSE and found your John Cusak “Say Anything” moment annoying and not sweet. (If you don’t know that movie look it up–you might be too young, sigh)

    Regardless, do not waste your time on this girl. Let the good memories be memories, and go have some fun. You’re way too young to be thinking about marriage anyway. Seriously, you are. I can’t stress it enough–Go. Be free. Be young.
    Live your life for you, and not for her.

    EvaLovely
    EvaLovely
    Participant
    January 4, 2013 at 5:34 pm #20033

    alright. makes sense.
    Do you think that when i come home the summer there is any hope? I mean, ill be home and in the same place as her for 3 months. Is there anything i could do to help my chances of getting her back then?

    If you look for another chance to rekindle the fire, I personally believe the 3 months will end just as quickly as the flame is lit. A summer love is similar to a holiday fantasy.

    Little Petunia is your frank and honest conscious, don’t ignore her. It hurts to read, and it’s probably harder to swallow that you “lost” a girl you thought could be “the one.”

    Believe me, I dated a guy through our senior year of h.s. (we graduated together) and he went to a college 2 hrs away. We broke up the first summer, got back together, broke up bc of distance, then tried moving in together! We thought we could make it work, we thought nobody in our universities could POSSIBLY compare to what we had built but reality had been in the shadows for a while…

    Yes, heartache hurts, heartache burns but you are FULLY capable of moving on. Learn now at the beginning of your college life to step away from an emotional roller coaster. These ups and downs are for the faint-hearted.

    Remember, you didn’t “lose” anything. You’ve gained a deeper understanding of what love could be, you’ve seen yourself literally beg for her reconsideration and she rejected it. You’ve gained a new scar on your hopeless heart, but that wound will heal once you get out and meet new girls. Take the lesson learned, write down your feelings, write a song about it and put it away. Look back at how emotionally distraught you may have become, monthhsss down the road and ask yourself. “Was it really worth the trouble?”

    Keep her as an acquaintance, delete her FB profile, don’t text her and rip that bandaid off asap. Open up your window and escape this sorry little hole and enjoy your new chapter: college.


    wesmel06
    Participant
    January 6, 2013 at 4:50 am #20047

    I think you should move on. It’s hard to say goodbye but her interest level has fallen way below where it use to be. By continuing to pursue her all your doing is driving her further away and trying to earn her affection. I don’t mean to sound mean or anything but she probably thinks your clingy and that turns her off. When she doesn’t answer your messages, when she doesn’t show up/cancels activities with you, and when she says she needs time apart she means that it’s done between you. She’s just trying to be nice about it but you keep pressing the issue. Your young and there are plenty of women out there. Forget about her and move on.

    JoeVL
    JoeVL
    Participant
    January 7, 2013 at 12:58 pm #20071

    I agree, it’s time to move on, you’re unfortunately just full of emotions and can’t think straight. Try to find a hobby or focus on school some more, you need time and I agree with miss Eva, you also need to delete contact with her. Don’t make it harder on yourself by checking out her facebook.