[Hayley Matthews DatingAdvice.com]

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[popkinz456Participant]

January 16, 2017 at 4:47 pm #123211

Can Your Feelings Just Change Out of Nowhere?

So let me start by stating all the facts clearly:
He’s 19 I’m 20 but turning 21 this year 2K17
We’ve been together for 1.5 years then broke up
We lived together for a year ( 12-month lease)
While living together he cheated on me 1 time and attempted to 2 more times but I forgave him and continued to be loyal and treat him right.
It was his idea to break up, but for the benefit for us both because we never just dated and living together put a strain on our relationship
His plans during our ” break or break up” is to grow before we get back together
I’m very close to his family and his family has always had open arms for me and has stated openly that no matter what my relationship status with him i am welcome in his family
I was laying with him and realized that i no longer feel like i did b4
My problem is that over the past 4 months we havnt really acted like we were broekn up but after all that time NOW im starting to slowly lose feelings for him. I feel like ” what am i waiting for?

[multisamsamiParticipant]

January 16, 2017 at 5:03 pm #123215

Make sure you’re not just angry at him. Maybe you feel like you don’t have feelings for him because he has done something or he hasn’t done something that has been getting on your nerves. Maybe you are actually angry that he wanted a break?

[popkinz456Participant]

January 16, 2017 at 5:53 pm #123226

ok, good point but I couldn’t fit everything I needed to say in the initial forum but no I’m not angry about that and the cheating stuff happened a long time ago and another point I needed to make was that since the break up we haven’t dated or talked to anyone else. Like I said before we never really took any space bc he really likes my company and I like his. But there are some things that I didn’t appreciate that he did that is one of the reasons we agreed to this break bc we both know its best to sort out our issues if we ever got back together. Another note is we only live 5 min away from one another.i reside with my parents and he lives on his own renting his godmother’s basement rn.

[popkinz456Participant]

January 17, 2017 at 8:49 am #123227

Either way, this goes( we get back together in the near future or we don’t) We are gonna always be best of friends. I just think that after all this time apart even tho we spend like every weekend together almost, I’ve gotten comfortable with not having him as my bf and I’m in a healthy more dependent spot in my life and I down feel as needy of him anymore. But does that mean I don’t want to be with him or is it a sign that its pretty much over? There’s a little bit of sexual spark left. Like we’ve always had the best sex but even now when I with him, I feel my mind in other places. lol strange ik. This honestly is kinda scary cuz its only my 2nd bf. my last I also lost feelings for but it was long distance and he stopped keeping his promises.

[multisamsamiParticipant]

January 17, 2017 at 3:49 pm #123335

No, not necessarily.
You have to figure out what it is that makes you question the relationship, because it would be a shame to throw away something that’s totally fixable.
Try to thing of the beginning of the relationship. Where did you meet him? How was it like back then, what did you think of him? How did you feel? How was your first date? The second? Has something changed ever since?
For the sex, maybe try to spice things up a little bit? Like try different locations, or positions.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  multisamsami.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  multisamsami.

[kellyyyroseParticipant]

January 17, 2017 at 9:48 pm #123362

I think that this is completely normal and that after him cheating at all, you have the right to just walk away. He does not deserve you, and you deserve to get on with your life and have someone who truly loves you for who you are.

[confusedsinParticipant]

January 18, 2017 at 4:43 pm #123549

I just went through a similar situation. Sometimes when you go on a break you have to ask yourself why. Im a bit confused though, have you taken a “break or break up” but decided to keep talking/seeing him during a 4 month break? Sometimes our feelings change suddenly, you may just be moving on or your heart is healing from him cheating. When you have sex with someone you love it is completely different than someone you just met or even just slightly have feelings for. Sometimes people fall out of love and sometimes they dont but either way if there is a spark and you want to make it work, feed on that spark. Not being needy anymore and being content with your life could be just the next stage of your relationship evolving and growing stronger. They say that we must be truly happy with ourselves before being happy in relationships. Just because you used to feel that way and dont now doesnt mean you shouldnt be with him. Maybe this is right or maybe its time to move on to the next.

[richiroParticipant]

January 18, 2017 at 6:23 pm #123570

i would not say your feelings have changed “suddenly” – this has been a long time coming starting from the first cheating and subsequent attempts and then all the other stuff that happened. That builds up. One can never forget that especially when it KEEPS happening.

No.. this has been a long time coming. The only difference is.. you are finally SEEING it for what it is, rather then being clingy due to your emotional attachment and need to not lose the connection or fear of being alone. now you are realizing that .. its not worth sticking around for and that being alone might be better (and it always is. b/c it opens you up to be able to receive and find a MUCH BETTER person who treats you much better).

What are you waiting for? That’s damned right girl. He’s not the life you want (and you shodln’t want it). Time to pick yourself up, get your back up to where you should be, then see what else comes along that you want…

Good luck!

[popkinz456Participant]

January 19, 2017 at 10:56 am #123706

Yes I do agree that I have gotten that healthy mentality and man it feels good to be happy alone. But also I care about him and do love home. Not in love but I love him. I have had talks with him since I uploaded this, and we’ve both opened up sooo much more gotten all the shit in the table lol. And rn all I know is that I hate this feeling of being indecisive it bugs the hell oita me bc I’ve always been known for knowing what I want. What I realized from what you said, is that since getting his stronger mentality, I’ve become indecisive and I’m also so NEW to this new mentality I feel like it’s mental overload. I used to be the girl who wanted marriage soon and who was sure about my feelings all the time and couldn’t get enough of this guy, now I LOCE LOVE Being alone. From EVERYONE tbh. Lol after talking for a long time he and I agreed that I’d take my time to think about things and clear my head. I want to work things out and he said he’s gonna be here when I make up my mind.

[popkinz456Participant]

January 19, 2017 at 11:03 am #123709

Reply To: Can Your Feelings Just Change Out of Nowhere?

We communicate still almost all day. But unlike b4 I Ain’t clingy and needy so I’m not freaking out when he doesn’t respond right away. And to respond to the other guy, yes I have healed and yes bc of the past another reason I need to think and have space is bc I don’t trust him fully anymore yet. And I feel like bc we bih want to work things out, if he DOES want a relationship with me again like he said he did the other night when we talked, then I’ll give him the chance to mend it. I told him all of this and more the other night. I’m not gonna be dumb and I’m always gonna put me first until I’m in a relationship again of course lol. But HE really doesn’t wanna lose me either and I told him that I just need to form that trust with him again. It can be done over time I’ve already forgiven (like I said b4, I forgive easily) , but no it can NEVER be forgotten neverless, bc we both love one another, it can be done. I’ll be cautious with my heart tho. Trust me in that!!