Complicated "Dating" Situation. Feels Like We're Losing The Connection.

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Complicated "Dating" Situation. Feels Like We're Losing The Connection.

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    DerpyTeemo
    Participant
    February 19, 2016 at 6:57 pm #93963
    Complicated "Dating" Situation. Feels Like We're Losing The Connection.

    Alright boys and girls this is going to be a rather long one, so I’ll try to keep it precise and well-formatted.
    Around September of last year I met a young woman, let’s call her “Sarah”, got her number and started to chat. I stopped pursuing her rather quickly when it became apparent that our schedules completely clashed making any form of dating incredibly difficult. After a week or so she messaged me a rather obvious late-night hook-up text, which I obliged to. Normally I’m not interested in that sort of thing but I digress. We continued to see each other almost everyday for the next few weeks, usually physically but we also started going out occasionally to shows or dinner. Then she abruptly cancelled plans we had to go out telling me that “she wasn’t ready for what I wanted” and that although she really liked me she didn’t want to end up hurting myself or her.


    DerpyTeemo
    Participant
    February 19, 2016 at 7:03 pm #93964

    A little backstory; She had recently ended her last long-term relationship with an abusive partner in a rather spectacular manner, let’s just say cops were called when she found out he was cheating on her.

    So after she told me she didn’t want contact I took it as the end of a fun fling, that I was just a nice rebound and I moved on. After about a month she contacted me again wanting to see me and I was free so I did. We ended up talking, she apologized for cutting contact, regretted it because she really liked me, ect. We have a fun night out, end up holding hands, making out but not having sex. I didn’t talk to her for about a week afterwords and when I tried to re-initiate contact she was rather ambivalent so I once again stopped pursing her.

    Another few weeks go by and she contacts me telling me that she was being kicked out of her apartment, she couldn’t afford the rent and had nowhere to go. I felt awful so I invited her to stay at my place for a short while.


    joharlow
    Participant
    February 19, 2016 at 9:35 pm #93966

    I’m sorry you are in such a complicated situation.

    I think you are taking it slow, in a very plausible pace. She was badly hurt once and it seems like she shut herself for new relationships, and your respect is a great factor for any plans you may have for a future with her. Just keep in mind it will take time and there is no deadline for her wounds to heal.

    Now that she is staying at your place, this may be a good chance to get closer to her. It seems like your entire relationship with her had been physical and rarely anything else, in a way that it would seem that she was using you to satisfy her sexual needs while she doesn’t feel ready for a new relationship. This may be your chance to break the barrier, just be safe and take it slow.


    DerpyTeemo
    Participant
    February 22, 2016 at 9:07 am #93965

    While she was hesitant, she eventually moved in. Almost immediately we started our physical relationship back up, although that was never my intention. Things were going nicely, we started going out constantly and enjoying each others company. At first she was clear that it couldn’t be anything more than physical, but over a couple months it developed into something more. We started acting as a couple, and I approached her about becoming “official” she told me that she was exclusive with me, didn’t want to see anyone else but she didn’t want to become official because that’s when “relationships get shitty and bad things happen” I understood that this was a hang-up from her history of abusive partners and left it alone.

    We continued “dating” and she suddenly became very clingy, wanting to see me constantly, telling me she loved me, ect. I’d occasionally bring up becoming official every week or so and while she’d reassure me that everything was going great she still wasn’t ready


    DerpyTeemo
    Participant
    February 22, 2016 at 9:07 am #94001

    That’s what I ended up doing. Even though we both agreed nothing should continue happening due to our living situation we inevitably became closer and started a quasi-romantic relationship after a couple months of “dating”. Although we both agreed to be mutually exclusive she didn’t want to label our relationship, saying that once it’s official that’s when everything goes bad. I told her I understood that she needed more time and left it at that.

    We continued dating for another month and honestly I was very happy with the situation and she seemed so too. Sadly I found out she had sent some explicit pictures to another man and it caused a huge rift between us for about a week. She said it was a mistake with no reason behind it and after a lot of soul searching I decided I wanted to try to move past it and repair whatever this is we have. I was trying to not let my anger and sadness about it impact our relationship but it’s been difficult and that ended up causing another fallout.

    djames
    djames
    Participant
    February 22, 2016 at 12:03 pm #94076

    Was she essentially living with you this whole time? If she was, and she sent explicit pics to another man, it doesn’t seem like she can be trusted. How can you be sure she’s not using you for your kindness? Telling you she loves you while not committing to a full relationship is very suspect. I’d definitely be wary if you continue to see this woman.