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JustParticipantFebruary 11, 2018 at 3:39 pm #165248
I’ve been talking to a girl for a little over two months now. She’s amazing and I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her. I had to keep her a secret from my parents for some time, as I was not out of the closet for the first part of us talking. After that, my parents didn’t approve. I recently told them about her and they freaked. They shamed me for being gay and dating a girl who is not a christian (I am a Christian, as are my parents). I’m 19 and in college, but still financially dependent on my parents. My mom threatened me by saying that I am still dependent. My girl lives an hour away and she has come to see me, although my parents do not know about this. I feel bad that she is the only one coming to see me, but my parents told me I am not allowed to go see her (They have a tracking app on my phone, so they can see my location). They threatened to cut me off if I do. I want a good relationship with her, but also don’t want to completely cut myself off from my parents.
JustParticipantFebruary 11, 2018 at 3:42 pm #165249
I’m not sure how far I should stand my ground. My parents were very emotional and said that they feel they are losing their daughter. They compared my actions to that of my brother, who is addicted to drugs. It’s just frustrating that I know nothing I do will change my parents minds. I feel like waiting just another year or so before I can move out is probably best, but that would mean another year or so of her being the only one putting in effort to see me. And she works and is a student as well. It’s not easy on her to make the trip. I’m very conflicted and feel like I’m being forced to choose. If I stand my ground, I run the risk of being cut out. I would have to drop out of school to support myself financially. My mom warned me not to ruin my life with this girl, but she doesn’t see that she would effectively be the one doing the ruining by cutting me off. She said she will not treat me like an adult, as I am only 19. I’m very confused. Help. Thank you.
TK1265ParticipantFebruary 27, 2018 at 8:17 pm #166535
I’m really sorry that you’re in such a tough situation. I have a complicated relationship with my parents that is similar, although it has to do more so with my parents being generally unhealthy/abusive regardless of sexuality. No one should ever have to feel trapped the way you do. If your college offers counseling services I recommend using them because they may be able to arrange for you to live on campus so that you can distance yourself. They can also help you start to deal with the damage your parents have probably caused you.
If you’re 19, you are an adult and your parents should respect you as one. They should not be tracking your phone against your will and if you have the ability to set the boundary that makes them unable to do so that is the first thing you should do.
If they are serious about cutting you off, just know that you will not be trapped in this situation forever. Someday soon you’ll be free. Talk openly about all of this with the girl you’re seeing.
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