Complicated situation; highly confused.

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Complicated situation; highly confused.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    WTFIMIK
    WTFIMIK
    Participant
    August 31, 2015 at 7:02 pm #84985
    Complicated situation; highly confused.

    I have a friend who is more like a brother. We’ve known each other since junior high and we’re both on our 30s now. He has a girlfriend who is INSANELY insecure. I’m a female friend of her boyfriend and I’m automatically a threat to her. She misinterprets everything I do as something against her. We have never sat down to speak ever.

    For example, when I found out (a couple years ago) that I can’t have kids I left my friend a message on FaceBook telling him the news. I was upset and I needed support and it was obviously very bad news. I found out later that his girlfriend thought that message, possibly the worst news of my life, was a veiled invite for him to come to my place and have sex. As you can imagine I found this appalling. How could she be so callous and make such a horrible accusation while I was in the midst of a crisis?

    Another example: when I inherited money I didn’t spend it immediately. She took that to mean I was “waiting for someone.”

    WTFIMIK
    WTFIMIK
    Participant
    August 31, 2015 at 7:08 pm #84986

    Hit character limit. Continued.

    I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. Why would she care what I do with my money? And how does not pissing it all away equate to being devious and underhanded?

    The last thing I found out is that she is watching my FaceBook through my friend’s profile. It’s very passive aggressive. Why can’t she just grow a pair of ovaries and add me herself?

    I have invited her out to lunch, coffee, Disneyland, and several other outings. She has refused EVERY attempt I have made to calm her paranoia. I’m not interested in her boyfriend but she feels like my existence somehow revolves around him. It’s beyond disturbing.

    I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose this friend. BUT she has forced him to do more than one polygraphs. Yes, culpable for letting it get to this extreme and not putting his foot down. However it isnt my friends fault she has rejected all my attempts to be civil. I have no idea what to do or of it’s even worth my time anymore.

    WTFIMIK
    WTFIMIK
    Participant
    September 1, 2015 at 4:34 pm #84987

    I forgot to mention they have been together for 6 years. They had their issues early on but she has refused to let them go and love on. She carries her old grudges like they’re still fresh.

    Also, I really, really tried to be kind to her. When I offered Disneyland I was prepared to pay. For both of them. I suspect the only reason she still lives with him is for a place to live. He can’t even have a beer with his guy friends without her approval. Again, he has allowed it AND actually did the polygraphs (which have proven nothing he hasn’t already told her). Knowing they are equally involved I’m not sure what I should do or if I have any options available.

    da2783
    da2783
    Participant
    September 5, 2015 at 4:43 pm #85157

    Hey, guy here, let me state the obvious for you: this girlfriend you’re describing has diagnosable mental health issues. There’s likely a great reason for it (i.e. traumatic past, horrible parents, etc) but it doesn’t make it ok for her to act the way she does. In my opinion, what makes (healthy) women so wonderful is their never ending will to connect with others. So, I see women getting frustrated when there’s a formidable obstacle to making connection, making peace, etc. You may not want to hear this, but any rational/healthy-minded approaches will be completely ineffective with this emotionally harmful girl. Her every move is dictated by a deep fear of abandonment and she’s unable to interpret reality as anything but a threat to her safety.

    What can you do? Draw a line in the sand when it comes to how much pain you’re willing to endure to support you’re friend. She’s not changing. I’m sorry.


    old enough
    Participant
    September 6, 2015 at 12:36 pm #85189

    This girl has issues. I have male friends and I would be there for them no matter what. However, if they allowed their girl to act like this for 6 years I think I’d back away. You can’t help those who can’t help themselves. You don’t need the drama.


    angelita_j
    Participant
    September 7, 2015 at 10:42 pm #85252

    Sorry, chica but it sounds like you might need cut ties with this friend. It seems like a very stressing situation and you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your health for another especially if he’s not willing to put his foot down. Take care of yourself first.