confused and frustrated

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confused and frustrated

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    xspinbadx
    xspinbadx
    Participant
    September 29, 2015 at 6:45 pm #86205
    confused and frustrated

    Hey folks,

    wanted to get some advice from ya’ll. I met this girl on tinder about a month back, we connected in person and ended up hooking up. It wasn’t really a date as she had invited me to hang out with her best friend and a friend visiting from out of town. Her best friend told me that night that this girl “liked me.”

    After we hooked up, she invited me out the next day to join her and her friends at a club but I couldn’t make it as I had other plans I couldn’t cancel. Afterwards, we kept exchanging messages but she ended up getting more and more distant. She said she’s really busy with her sales job and she also has a kid that whose custody she shares every other week. I ended up getting a bit frustrated that she couldn’t plan to make time for me, and I guess I started coming off a bit needy in texts. Ultimately she stopped responding. She hasn’t blocked me from whatsapp or facebook or anything, and she even let me save the password to her comcast service

    xspinbadx
    xspinbadx
    Participant
    September 29, 2015 at 6:45 pm #86206

    when we hung out on the first night–and hasn’t changed the password since.

    I ended up approaching her visiting friend that I met and built good rapport with on our first “date” and asked him on facebook to inquire in an indirect way with the girl or her best friend with whom he’s quite close to see if this girl is still interested in me. He said he’d help me out, but hasn’t responded since.

    At this point, I’m not quite sure if the door is still open for me to somehow continue courting this girl, or whether her silence should be accepted as a clear no. As a guy, I’m kind inclined to get some kind of closure on this and a clear directly No or “don’t contact me again” would be a bigger relief than this unclear state of silence. Perhaps she still likes me but was turned off by my needy texts which communicated some kind of weakness and killed her attraction? Or maybe I lost my attractive “mysteriousness” when I communicated too much interest? I know where she lives so I’ve been

    xspinbadx
    xspinbadx
    Participant
    September 30, 2015 at 8:30 am #86207

    contemplating maybe mailing flowers, but I’m not sure whether that would just dig my hole deeper and that I should just give it a rest.

    Any advice on how to proceed? I’m really not the kind of guy to just leave girls alone that I like until I get some kind of definitive negative response from either them or their friends.

    Thanks

    monkeybarrs
    monkeybarrs
    Participant
    September 30, 2015 at 11:41 am #86245

    I find that the best way to find out what’s going on is to just ask…can’t hurt!

    JokesOnMe
    JokesOnMe
    Participant
    October 1, 2015 at 8:29 am #86310

    You sound very similar to me. I have had many instances where the communication almost seems one-sided (right now actually) and I have had to do one of two things. Either directly engage through a phone call or just ignore her. Depending on the situation it will play out differently, if you know you could have possibly did something wrong then call her. If you feel like you are being overbearing, don’t reach out to her for a day or two and see if anything happens. The only problem with that is women typically have an issue with initiating something with the opposite sex.

    It sounds like your best bet is to call her and ask her how things are going. DO NOT MAKE IT ABOUT YOU INITIALLY, just see if she is struggling with something and then do your best to help her out. I’d recommend just addressing it and see if you two are on the same page.


    Anonymous
    October 1, 2015 at 10:19 am #86330

    If you want to have the definite answer, you should ask her about it. She may be really busy or she may avoid you. Everything is possible, so you have to be ready for bad response as well as for the positive answer. You can tell her that you have some feelings and that you are not going to give up. I think that if she likes you, she will definitely be with your after this conversation.

    Varis
    Varis
    Participant
    October 6, 2015 at 2:54 am #86596

    Dude, just leave it awhile. Either she’ll come to you or she won’t. I’ve learned that trying too hard makes you seem desperate or crazy, even if you really have none of those issues.