Confusing signals

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Confusing signals

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  • magneto
    Participant
    October 21, 2016 at 3:25 am #114831
    Confusing signals

    I am a 29 year old man who has never been in a relationship. The reason of this “celibacy” is partly insecurities and partly the fact that I have only met three women in my life that I really wanted to have a relationship with. The first one was in my early teens and she politely ignored me. The second one politely ignored my advances, but stayed my friend and is to this day one of my closest friends. The third one is the one I am making this post about.

    I met her at a mutual friend’s party about 3 months ago. We instantly clicked and spent almost three hours just talking about mutual interests. I had to leave the party early to catch the last train home and asked her for her number and asked if it was alright to befriend her on facebook. She said yes and gave me her number.

    *Continues in next post.


    magneto
    Participant
    October 21, 2016 at 3:37 am #114833

    The next day she contacted me on facebook messenger and we chatted for a couple of hours. I asked her out to a movie and she said yes. The next day she texted me saying that she was terrible sorry but she could not make it. I asked her if something had happened and she said that she had said yes without thinking the day before and that she couldn’t afford going to the movies. (She just graduated from her school and haven’t got a job yet). I said that if that was the only reason then I would pay for her. I was planning to anyway since I was the one that invited her. She asks if I’m sure and accepts.

    Before I meet up with her I buy a small cheap figurine from a fandom I know she’s into (we are both geeks to a certain degree) just for fun. We meet up and watch the movie. Afterwards I offer to buy her a beer and she accepts so we go to a pub. We talk for about an hour and I think she’s as into me as much as I’m into her. We both sit there grinning at each other as idiots.

    Continues..


    magneto
    Participant
    October 21, 2016 at 9:11 am #114834

    Afterwards we hug and say goodbye.

    The next day she contacts me again and tells me she’s bored and asks if I want to meet up. I say yes and asks if I should come to her. She says she would like to visit me this time. I am a bit of a slob and my place was not ready for visitors. (At least not this kind of visit). I am honest to her about that and we agree to go to her place. We meet up and first go to a bookstore we both like, then to her place. Her I meet her female roomate there and the three of us spends the day talking and watching youtube videos. When I leave I give her a my favorite book that I brought from my bookcase. We have talked about it and she has said she wanted to read it. First she doesn’t want to accept as I have paid and given her so much lately, but I insist. We hug and I leave.

    Continues…this turned out longer than I thought.


    magneto
    Participant
    October 21, 2016 at 9:11 am #114835

    We meet up one more time and she tells me she tells me that she won’t be able to see me for a while because she has to move back in with her parents for a few months until she is able to get a job. They live quite far away.

    After this she is more distant. She doesn’t contact me anymore and when I contact her she just gives short answers. After about a month she moves back to the city. I tried to ask her out a few times after that but she was busy working. After a while I confronted her gently about her being distant and she gave me long explenation saying that she was sorry but she was not ready for a romantic relationship. She had recently come out of a abusive relationship, and she had also recently lost her sister in a car crash. She also said that she was a psychotic case that I should stay away from for my own good. She then said that she really likes me and that if I could see past this She would like to stay friends.

    Zate
    Zate
    Participant
    October 21, 2016 at 10:20 pm #114959

    Hey man, sorry things might not have worked out the way you wanted, but if you get on really well then I’d say it’s worth staying friends because who knows what might happen in the future. The fact that the woman shared her story of abuse with you shows that she does really like you and views you as safe and kind 🙂

    Just be careful and take care of yourself firstly, because people who have been abused by loved ones tend to develop a warped view of love and relationships, and sometimes even go to abuse people themselves.


    Craftygirl
    Participant
    October 22, 2016 at 7:55 am #114964

    I may be naive but I believe if someone truly wants to be with you, they will do everything and overcome obstacles to be with you. It’s a hard situation no doubt, but if you continue pursuing this you will become obsessed with helping her and falling deeper for her and she will maintain it a one way relationship. I have a sister, she is the closest person to me in my world, and if she were to pass away, it would take me a long time to allow anyone to get close to me. She is not in a hurry, and waiting for that one day is not worth it.


    billyg
    Participant
    October 22, 2016 at 8:48 pm #114966

    Sorry to hear that dude…Like Craftygirl said, I believe if someone wants to be with you they will find a way..I personally think that you waited to long to make a move..If you meet with a girl who shows pretty much the same amount of interest in you as you do her, You should assume she is into you that way and make a move…You met her a number of times and all you did was hug? You should have made a move on her..If she turns you down so what. Atleast you will know where she stands and she will know where you do…you then can make the decision to stay friends or not…I personally would not stay friends with her if you have romantic feelings for her.. You will only end up being in the friends zone as her male boyfriend who ends up with her crying on your shoulder over another guy.I dont think you want to be in that situation! Chock it up as a learning experience and move on. Next time be a little more forward..Women like men that are spontaneous & go for what they want!