confusion

DATING ADVICE FORUM

confusion

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    lostnloveam
    Participant
    January 24, 2015 at 10:01 am #71780
    confusion

    I started dating an amazing man in August of last year. We really hit it off, an quickly became very good friends. We went out every weekend, talked to each other every night on the phone from the moment we met. We even talked more than once on some days, having long conversations, laughing and just really connecting, and sometimes we’d be on the phone for an hour or two without even realizing how much time had passed. The day after my birthday, about a month an a half into dating, he texted me and told me that it was really hard for him to say it, but he thought it would be better if we were just friends. I was so incredibly hurt, and there really was no warning or signs from him that led up to his decision. He ended up calling me about an hour after he texted me to see if I was okay, and to ask me if I was angry with him. Heck yes I was angry. I had begun to develop feelings for him, and we had gotten so close, and he texted me that he didn’t want to date me anymore.


    lostnloveam
    Participant
    January 24, 2015 at 10:03 am #71781

    Our conversation was mostly him telling me what an amazing person I was, and how he loved to see me smile, and to make me laugh, and that I was so beautiful and I would be an amazing catch for someone someday. I cried…and then I said I was sorry that I couldn’t be what he needed or wanted. (lame of me, i know) So, I didn’t contact him for a week and a half, no texts, no calls, nothing….and out of the blue he called me up one day, “Just wanted to see how you are…I miss talking to you…etc…” It was like nothing had happened, and we were laughing and joking, and talking just as if we’d never stopped. Since then, we go out almost every weekend, he calls me or texts me every other day or so, and when we are out he is constantly looking at me, telling me I’m beautiful, looking into my eyes, making me laugh…but we are still only friends. When he looks into my eyes, I feel so much more than friendship coming from him.


    nanaki626
    Participant
    January 25, 2015 at 1:07 am #71793

    That is a sucky situation, my sympathies.

    Possible that he could have panicked a bit and wanted to slow things down, that happened to two friends of mine who were dating, things were awkward for awhile but they eventually got on the same track, that could be the case here. Maybe try talking to him about it in an open and upfront manner, get to the bottom of things.

    Also, to play devil’s advocate, it is very likely he just realized that he had only platonic feelings for you and wanted to cut things off before they got to serious and your feelings of more than friendship could just be wishful thinking on your part, I have been there, and it sucks, but sometimes that is just the truth of the situation and all you can do is accept it.

    Considering that you were dating and we wanted to go back to being just friends, I would be inclined to believe that its the second of two, but if you’re that confused about it, I would say talking is probably the best course of action.


    lostnloveam
    Participant
    January 26, 2015 at 8:30 am #71782

    He tells me all of the time how much he cares about me, and that he loves to see me happy. He’s also said that he wishes we could have happily ever after but that it couldn’t be, and the dreaded, “you’re just not the one for me”. He invited me to Thanksgiving with his family, and I loved them! But, it was awkward the next day when his dad talked to me alone and asked me how much I knew about his son. I told him I knew quite a bit, and jokingly told him that he tries to convince me all of he time that he’s not a good guy. His dad then asked me if he’d told me about being sick at all…I was floored, and I have no idea what he meant. I told him he hadn’t said anything to me at all. His father asked me to not say anything about it to him, but I seriously don’t have any clue what’s going on! It’s driving me nuts! The more time we spend together, the more I fall for him. I’m really just not sure what to do anymore.


    lostnloveam
    Participant
    January 26, 2015 at 8:30 am #71783

    When I’m with him, I’m so happy, and then he goes home and I feel empty and confused because he always acts like he’s more than a friend, but he goes home my friend, and I stay alone and empty. Any advice? By the way, we have never had a sexual relationship. We have kissed before, and I sleep over at his house in his bed and we just hold each other and talk…its never gone any further than that. We have discussed our attraction for each other and both of us are mutually attracted to one another, but I told him that my feelings for him would only become deeper if we were to connect that way, and he never pushes the topic or uses me for that. We are the perfect couple who just isn’t a couple.


    Expat
    Participant
    January 26, 2015 at 9:47 am #71839

    Maybe he’s HIV positive… I dunno. The dad asked if he talked about his “illness”. He could be incredibly lonely, longing for companionship, but unable to allow himself to get too close to someone because he’d end up passing the disease on to them.


    Tapatio64
    Participant
    January 26, 2015 at 7:05 pm #71895

    Not to sound cold but if you plan to be friends for the rest of this relationship I recommend that you move on. If you are looking for a serious relationship you are just wasting your time and I suggest that you move on. This is coming from a man and I will never treat a women like this, if I wanted a friend I would make it very clear up front so that the woman will not waste their time with me. Its not fair to you, I understand that he may have a medical condition but this does not give him the right not to tell you and not to give you option if you want to continue to be in this relationship. He is being selfish, I really hope that you will find what you are looking for.

    Good Luck


    Anonymous
    January 26, 2015 at 8:14 pm #71901

    I would nip this in the bud as soon as possible. He is yanking you around and he knows how you feel about him, so hes using that to his advantage.
    This doesnt seem like a fair relationship.


    mystery
    Participant
    January 27, 2015 at 7:24 am #71917

    cross it out


    gioanna
    Participant
    January 27, 2015 at 2:16 pm #71950
    Reply To: confusion

    Dont what to tell you…complicated