Crossing the Friend Zone

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Crossing the Friend Zone

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2017 at 12:07 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

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    awkwardintimacy
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 11:28 am #129594
    Crossing the Friend Zone

    There is this man in my life that I really, really like.
    We met almost 6 years ago at a party. He was this really awkward guy, with long lanky limps and a head that seemed too big for his body, which he grew into further down the line becoming a rather beautiful man. But we became very good acquaintances very quickly, always seeming to gravitate towards each other, even very early on. Our acquaintance grew into a friendship through bonding experiences with two of our other really good friends through activities like roadtrips, ziplining, white water rafting and skydiving. But slowly we began to do things just the two of us which brought us from good friends to best friends.
    But there has always been something…different about our relationship. And in the back of my mind I always wondered if our friendship was “normal”. Friends are supposed to be close, but my friend often always stands so close to me that I can feel the baby hairs on his arms and legs. Friends are supposed to tell


    awkwardintimacy
    Participant
    March 9, 2017 at 11:28 am #129595

    other, it’s not just a friendly passing gaze, it’s always more intense, more intimate and weighted and lasts for entirely too long.
    Unfortunately, there has never been a “good time” to discuss these complicated feelings as he or I or almost always in a relationship (more often me). But that doesn’t stop me from getting extremely jealous and territorial. Nor does it stop us from testing those lines between friends and something more. And usually I am able to snub these feelings and force them deep down in my psyche until they inevitably resurface again a few months later. But for some reason…this time…I can’t make these thoughts go away.
    And now, we’re both single, we’re both a little older, and we are planning a trip very soon just the two us. But I am scared. Scared of losing our friendship and ruining something that makes me very happy. I just don’t know what to do, or if I should do anything at all. The risk of losing him completely does not seem worth the prospect of a romance.


    SleepingBeauty
    Participant
    March 12, 2017 at 9:07 pm #129860

    I have the opposite problem. I have gone on dinner/movie dates and even vacations with two different men over the years, hoping the “friendship” would turn into something more, and gotten extreme resistance when I try to steer the conversation to the subject of romance and a future together. After seven years with one guy, I finally moved out of state and cut off all contact just to try to forget him. Mutual friends tell me he is “heartbroken,” but I’ve never heard that from him. The second guy, it’s been four years and I just basically had to end it. I started by unfriending him on Facebook while sending him a message that I was doing it in order to forget about him, and that got his attention. He wrote me a message saying he needs to “finally be honest and tell my about his shortcomings.,” so I said fine, I would love to have that conversation; but it’s been three weeks and I haven’t heard any more from him.