Crucial moment after 4 dates. Looking for advice on how to continue!

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Crucial moment after 4 dates. Looking for advice on how to continue!

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    Tinderthrowawa
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 4:54 am #72011
    Crucial moment after 4 dates. Looking for advice on how to continue!

    This story starts a couple of weeks ago. I met this great girl on Tinder, and we hit it off, leading to a first date 2 days later. It was very casual; we just grabbed coffee, and then walked around and talked for a few hours. Surprisingly, we had a lot in common and both had a great time. So, I asked her out on a second date and she enthusiastically agreed. We had dinner and she came over to hang out to my place (I still hadn’t kissed her at this point). Again, we have a great time on our second date and I set up a third date a week later.

    I tell myself that I have to go in for the kiss on this date, no questions asked. At this point, I had a pretty good idea that she liked me, since her texts were always warm (although sometimes infrequent, with up to half a day of radio silence) and she was enthusiastic to go on more dates. So on the third date, I had her come over again to my place, and finally went in for the kiss, which she received happily.


    Tinderthrowawa
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 4:54 am #72012

    She also had brought me a gift, which was really sweet and a very good sign. She asked me if I was free in a few days to visit her in her neighborhood on the next date, and I told her I’d like that but that I’d have to check how much work I had to finish first (I finished it and had my day free). Now I don’t have a car, so I rented one to go to see her for the day. She was very sweet and took me all around. We talked a lot throughout the date. The only time there was a lull was during dinner when I think both of us were a bit tired and so there were a couple of silences, but it picked up again afterward. She told me she was only on Tinder for a week and met with 3 guys, and deleted it shortly after we went on several dates. Notably, she didn’t want her friends to know we met on Tinder, because she thinks it’s a trashy way to meet people (not sure if this has anything to do with what happens in the next paragraph). We then headed back to her place and I made out with her before leaving.

    Tinderthrowawa2
    Tinderthrowawa2
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 5:04 am #72021

    Now here’s the part of the story where things become a little less rosy. I’d like to start by saying my goal is to start a relationship with this girl. She’s sweet, hot, and smart. She’s more on the shy / quiet side, and has had 3 boyfriends in the past that lasted 1+ year (and many others that were interested). She understands that relationships are all new experiences to test out what one like / dislikes, and is comfortable with the fact that many relationships may not work before settling down. Now, after I came back, we continued texting (for what it’s worth, she texted me first the day after our last date to ask about my drive back). But as we talked, her replies started getting less and less frequent. I worked to match her frequency. She recognized her slow responses and apologized at one point, giving an excuse about having a lot of errands to run. Despite this, her recent replies have taken a full day or more.

    Tinderthrowawa2
    Tinderthrowawa2
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 5:04 am #72022

    Now this would be a red flag, but she has messaged me saying “I told my friends that I’m seeing you”, which does show investment.

    We aren’t seeing each other until at least 2 weeks later, so I want to ask, how should I go about this to maintain her interest? And if it appears that she’s losing interest, what can I do to try and re-ignite it (without being able to meet her)? Is she playing games to test me and how should I stop this behavior? Is it auto-rejection since I am also not replying as much? Or is it just nothing and I should just let things continue as they are? I would appreciate any and all help on how to approach this, as I think this is a crucial moment that will either make or break what happens next. I really want to make this work. Thank you so much! (sorry about the long post, I really wanted to get the details so you guys had a good idea of our dynamic)


    Tinderthrowawa
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 9:14 am #72013

    Now here’s the part of the story where things become a little less rosy. I’d like to start by saying my goal is to start a relationship with this girl. She’s sweet, hot, and smart. She’s more on the shy / quiet side, and has had 3 boyfriends in the past that lasted 1+ year (and many others that were interested). She understands that relationships are all new experiences to test out what one like / dislikes, and is comfortable with the fact that many relationships may not work before settling down. Now, after I came back, we continued texting (for what it’s worth, she texted me first the day after our last date to ask about my drive back). But as we talked, her replies started getting less and less frequent. I worked to match her frequency. She recognized her slow responses and apologized at one point, giving an excuse about having a lot of errands to run. Despite this, her recent replies have taken a full day or more.


    Tinderthrowawa
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 9:14 am #72014

    Now this would be a red flag, but she has messaged me saying “I told my friends that I’m seeing you”, which does show investment.

    We aren’t seeing each other until at least 2 weeks later, so I want to ask, how should I go about this to maintain her interest? And if it appears that she’s losing interest, what can I do to try and re-ignite it (without being able to meet her)? Is she playing games to test me and how should I stop this behavior? Is it auto-rejection since I am also not replying as much? Or is it just nothing and I should just let things continue as they are? I would appreciate any and all help on how to approach this, as I think this is a crucial moment that will either make or break what happens next. I really want to make this work. Thank you so much! (sorry about the long post, I really wanted to get the details so you guys had a good idea of our dynamic)


    Tinderthrowawa
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 9:14 am #72016

    She also had brought me a gift, which was really sweet and a very good sign. She asked me if I was free in a few days to visit her in her neighborhood on the next date, and I told her I’d like that but that I’d have to check how much work I had to finish first (I finished it and had my day free). Now I don’t have a car, so I rented one to go to see her for the day. She was very sweet and took me all around. We talked a lot throughout the date. The only time there was a lull was during dinner when I think both of us were a bit tired and so there were a couple of silences, but it picked up again afterward. She told me she was only on Tinder for a week and met with 3 guys, and deleted it shortly after we went on several dates. Notably, she didn’t want her friends to know we met on Tinder, because she thinks it’s a trashy way to meet people (not sure if this has anything to do with what happens in the next paragraph). We then headed back to her place and I made out with her before leaving.


    Tinderthrowawa
    Participant
    January 28, 2015 at 9:16 am #72020

    jnk


    UglyErin
    Participant
    January 29, 2015 at 8:34 am #72054

    She could just be busy. I have this guy I really really like, as in I’m crazy about him, but sometime it takes me days to get back to him because I’m really busy with work or something else. I see that he’s texted me and I’m really happy about it but I don’t want to give him a rushed answer so I leave it for later when I have time to properly reply and that way sometimes I’m really late at responding. I think it’s too early to worry, especially since she explained that she’s been busy and you have an upcoming date scheduled.


    Expat
    Participant
    January 30, 2015 at 12:55 am #72230
    Reply To: Crucial moment after 4 dates. Looking for advice on how to continue!

    I’d say you’re being too suspicious. i also don’t buy into the whole, “I have to match her texting frequency” thing. If you’re thinking about her, text her. Just don’t go overboard and text every few hours. Everything you’ve said sounds like the relationship is going great, but you’re over thinking and being suspicious when you have no reason to be. Don’t screw up something good because you have trust issues ;-).


    Tinderthrowawa
    Participant
    January 30, 2015 at 4:12 pm #72269
    Reply To: Crucial moment after 4 dates. Looking for advice on how to continue!

    No, I don’t have trust issues. There is no need to jump to conclusions and accuse others so quickly. What I’m saying is that texting is such a poor method of communication (very hard to build attraction through it), and by texting her throughout the 2 weeks, it can kill the intrigue. Also, I am being too available and decreasing my perceived value to her. Haven’t you ever really liked someone and then when they started becoming too available you started to lose your interest? What I’m thinking is that it’s part of the chase that girls enjoy, and that’s why I am thinking of not texting her for a week until it’s closer to the date and plan out details with her then.

    I’d appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this. Thank you!