Cut my losses or try one last time?

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Cut my losses or try one last time?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    snakes251
    snakes251
    Participant
    January 2, 2015 at 1:58 am #69789
    Cut my losses or try one last time?

    I met a Vietnamese woman a year ago. However, at the time I’d just been accepted to nursing school out of town and would be gone for about 2 years. But, as I found out, this girl had fallen madly in love with me. And I was starting to get feelings for her too. Knowing this, I had to tell her the truth. Naturally, she wasn’t happy at all. I told her we could still see each other, but this was really important to me. She initially agreed, but then broke it off b/c she couldn’t deal with it. Then, 3 months later, she called me and we began talking. I acknowledged I had hurt her, and realized I loved her too. So we stayed in touch and saw each other when possible. However, I failed two classes, eventually realizing nursing was a bad fit. When I told her this, her attitude changed drastically. I told her I would try to get a job in our hometown and see about starting over. But now, she says it’s too late. I know I’ve probably lost her, but is there any chance in hell of salvaging this?

    • This topic was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by snakes251 snakes251.

    Expat
    Participant
    January 2, 2015 at 9:36 am #69796

    I have a lot of experience with Vietnamese girls, as I even lived in Vietnam for some years. And as bad as it sounds, from a westerners perspective they are usually very superficial and shallow. You were studying something thAt she viewed as important and could make money, something that would look good when she told her vietnamese friends and family. In fact, she probably did tell them that you were doing this. Then when you failed it’s considered a huge loss of face both for you and for her since she told everyone. That could be why her attitude changed.

    Vietnamese girls also play a lot of mind games. You need to be persistent and chase them even when all signs tell you she’s ot interested. She really is, but she wants to see how committed you are. Make sure you know what you’re getiing into before dating a Vietnamese girl.

    snakes251
    snakes251
    Participant
    January 3, 2015 at 8:42 pm #69839

    Roger on the mind games…she would joke about marrying some guy back in Vietnam, even though her family’s now in North Texas (where I’m from). When I was in nursing school, she sounded like she was still holding out for me. But all that changed when I told her I was no longer in school. Also, her sister didn’t like me, since I’m very outgoing. She told her mom, who had a panic attack over it–was actually admitted to the hospital. She would also tell her mom everything we did on dates (and I mean EVERYTHING). No wonder her mom flipped out. Anyway, she reveals later why I never asked her to be my girlfriend, and I told her it was because we wouldn’t see each other for a long time. But now that school’s out of the picture, I told her I can get a job where she is, and if she was willing, start over. I also told her that I actually am working again too. She told me it’s too late now, but she’s also saying I still want to be your friend. Not sure what that means…thoughts?


    Expat
    Participant
    January 4, 2015 at 1:26 am #69845

    It’s hard to say. If she’s a traditional vietnamese girl, she’s going to do what her mom says, no matter what. If she’s a little more modern then she might be willing to go against her mother’s wishes.

    She probably likes you, but for Vietnamese that’s not always enough. They weigh things like potential marriage material very heavily. If you’re dating her, the family is going to be wondering about marriage. If you don’t have an education or stable job prospects or ambition for the future, you’re very low in their eyes. This is because children are expected to support the parents after they get married.

    She’s probably saying it’s too late because she can’t see you as marriage material, and when you refused to date her before you communicated that you weren’t really committed to the relationship. Long distance relationships are very common in Vietnam. Often time the spouses work in 2 different cities for 6-9 months of the year.

    If you convince her family, you’re good to go.