Cyber Infidelity… What to do??


Cyber Infidelity… What to do??

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    March 29, 2013 at 2:35 pm #27327
    Cyber Infidelity… What to do??

    Hi all, I could really use some outside perspective on my situation. I have been in a relationship for 4 years and we moved in together about a year and a half ago. We are very happy together and very much in love. I thought this was the man that I was going to marry and we openly talked of that. Well I recently found that my boyfriend had an account on an adult website and was exchanging sexual messages and photos with strangers. I confronted him and he was sincerely apologetic, crying, and embarrassed. We did not speak for several days and then had a heartfelt conversation where he explained he never wanted to physically interact with these women, he deleted his account, agreed to never do anything like that again and to work on building back my trust. I was heartbroken that he had done these things and it was very hard for me to look past it. He was being perfect for the next few days and trying hard in front of me, however, I found that he had done the SAME THING again. He created another account and exchanged nude photos with women. I am devastated… I feel so betrayed and cannot understand why he would do this. He cried and begged me to forgive him, saying it was something that he knows he shouldn\\\’t have done but didn\\\’t truly understand how bad it was. He is saying he made the biggest mistake of his life and wants to marry me. Its so confusing because I don\\\’t understand how you could feel that way but go behind my back and betray me. I don\\\’t know what to think or do… It is just on the internet but it still hurts me. And I also wonder what else it could have led to. I also SERIOUSLY question why he would do this twice in one week after having been so upset over thinking I would leave him?? I love him but I feel like he has seriously crossed a line that I am not sure we can go back from. I want to know what anyone thinks about this issue… Do a lot of males do these kinds of things? Is this cheating? How would you react in this situation? I feel so ridiculous and sad even typing this information out… I am smart girl with a good head on my shoulders and I would never tolerate a bad relationship… We have been crazy in love for years with a wonderful sexlife and we are best friends… I just don\\\’t understand where this came from and I don\\\’t know how to handle it.
    Also he never interacted with these women more than once. It was more of a sexual chatting and pictures type thing than an emotional connection. But honestly, it is very scary and disgusting to me that he actually sent strangers nude photos of himself!
    I am trying to decide whether or not it actually makes any difference to me if he physically interacted with these women or not; for me the intent to betray and seek out something outside of our relationship was still there. What is so confusing is that I have never seen any signs of any behavior like this the entire time we have been together and we live together. I have asked if he has an addiction and he seems appalled at the idea of that. He is so remorseful and sorry and swore on his life that he would never jeopordize us again. Makes no sense to me… Why would you do that in the first place? Its all very alarming. Do these kinds of patterns begin out of nowhere? Is it childish for me to believe he will ever stop? Please any advice on this subject would help so much. I have NO experience with these kinds of things.

    April 1, 2013 at 9:38 am #27356

    Dear One,
    I view this as an addiction that will not stop, even once married. How you would feel if you married him and he continued this behavior? Could you handle that? Personally I could not. I would not feel safe and the trust would be gone. That is at the heart of commitment.
    If he cannot / will not stop, what are you willing to live with?