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Last March I started casually dating a guy for several months. I think I might have fallen in love, but we never had the talk about our intentions/what our feelings were.
He hated his job here, so in Sept. he went home (across the country). I figured it was over, but he’s still been calling every week. When he does we talk for hours. Lately he’s been talking about wanting to come back & work for a while longer (he makes more money here), but he keeps going back and forth.
I still have strong feelings for him, but can’t tell if he does. He’s been the one calling frequently/initiating things, but he’s not the “talk about feelings” type – I would feel so awkward having that talk on the phone. I want to tell him to come back but can’t figure out how. It’s been so long since he left & we almost never flirt or talk about that kind of stuff on the phone, but that’s no different from when he was here (he’s very reserved/shy). Do you think he has feelings for me? What should I do/say to him?
michelle724ParticipantFebruary 2, 2017 at 5:07 pm #125515
Could you start putting more flirting/sexual tension into your conversations? Sometimes guys just want someone to talk to but not often. Usually they initiate contact regularly when they like a girl.February 2, 2017 at 5:34 pm #125522
Thanks for the advice, michelle724. The problem is that we never flirt over the phone. Even when he was here, we almost never did. We would compliment each other here and there, but rarely in a sexual/flirty way, and only in person, NEVER on the phone. We are both pretty shy (him especially, it took him like 6 dates after he asked me out to even kiss me) and preferred to let our actions speak. I’m afraid if I started putting that kind of stuff into our phone conversations it would come out really forced or make him really uncomfortable.
richiroParticipantFebruary 2, 2017 at 6:11 pm #125539
what do you mean by casually dating? did you ever flirt, kiss, more?
its possible this is a friendship only and not even casual dating in his eyes depending on if anythign romantic did or did not happen between you two.February 3, 2017 at 8:46 am #125544
No, this was definitely more than a friendship. We saw each other regularly, went out on dates to restaurants or to the movies, kissed, and slept together (and spent the night) on numerous occasions. I say it was casual because we never had a serious talk about the future, or our expectations/feelings, said “I love you” etc.
richiroParticipantFebruary 3, 2017 at 12:37 pm #125636
okay thanks for filling in the blanks Anna. Hmm.. this could go either way to tell you the truth (i see why you are not quite so sure). The vibe i get is positibe on this and that i find it more likely he is intersted than he is not. Some signs that this is more then friendship is:
he does things for you to help simplify your life (pay bills, wash your car, offers to pick up things on his way “home” to you or on the way over).
if he doesn’t do those things and its basically a pattern of eating/sleeping or just very predictably patterned whenever you get together – then it may be more of a “convenience” thing for him with a willing person to fulfill some needs (i don’t necessarily mean sex or sex only here.. but certainly one of the components).
If he has been on this thing about knowing about relocating – that can certainly be a factor in now committing deeper. So him returning and how he is then will be more telling (since it may be more perm).
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