Dating a man with a violent criminal record…

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Dating a man with a violent criminal record…

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Freebird
    Participant
    July 21, 2017 at 12:03 pm #142887
    Dating a man with a violent criminal record…

    Hi All,
    So a little 6 months ago I left the father of my one year old because he was very verbally abusive to me for a pretty much 3 out of the 5 years we were together. I am 30 years old, and I had an amazing job I loved, beautiful apartment and 2 fur babies I had to just up and leave behind to get me and my child out of situation. It has been such a rough transition, very emotional and exhausting. The loneliness started eating away at me so I decided to sign up for some dating websites, and just open my eyes to what’s out there. After getting pretty frustrated with all the results I was about to give up, and then I met HIM. We instantly clicked and had amazing conversations. I was longing for that connection with someone for years now as me and my ex were no where near close to having that connection. It felt so natural to talk to him and we slowly worked out way into messaging, talking on the phone and then we finally met. When met the first time we both agreed that…


    Freebird
    Participant
    July 25, 2017 at 10:13 am #142890

    …it felt like we have known each other forever. There was that instant click, no doubt about that. We both felt something electrical when we touched, kissed or simply looked into each others eyes. From day one this man has been so very honest and up front about EVERYTHING. He has a past of violence and drugs and many bad decisions, he served time in prison and just within the last year got out. It has been very difficult for me mentally to even begin to see this man he once was. I have always been very in tune with people reading them and understanding where they come from, but this one stumps me. He is so gentle and sweet, but not in a fake conniving way, we both bring this side of ourselves out that are new to both of us, and all we want to do is continue exploring this new territory. Of course all the advice forums and my family say run for the hills, that some one with a violent background is unlikely to change. But I can’t help thinking that, they can…


    Freebird
    Participant
    July 25, 2017 at 10:16 am #142892

    …i strongly believe people deserve second chances especially if they are doing everything in there power to earn that second chance. I think a lot of the time people fall back into bad patterns because other people aren’t willing to give them those second chances and not judge them for past mistakes. The man I am seeing always attracted a certain type of girl, and negative people in his life. He’s told me many times that he has never had a girl like me give him the time of day, with no judgement of his past actions. He now has a very small circle of people in his life like his very close family and friends, and has no room for those negative impacts on his life. He also had 2 beautiful children that clearly adore him and he does have partial custody of them. I know how I feel, but I do have a daughter now and it is not just about me any more. I guess I was just looking to pick some brains and get some outside thoughts on the matter.

    luvgoldens
    luvgoldens
    Participant
    July 25, 2017 at 11:49 am #143106

    Get counseling,you’re likejly reepeating the pattern of abuse. They all start our nice and wonderful. You have to protect your child now as well.


    Skylar16
    Participant
    July 26, 2017 at 10:10 am #143242

    Definitely the safety and well being of you and your child come first. However, not only can people change but do you actually know the stories of these criminal charges?
    Basically someone urinating in public when drunk can be placed on the sex offenders registry yet those are two completely different things. Were his violent charges actually domestic or was it aggravated assault with more to the story? Even an event such as manslaughter. Say a guy was beating a female and another guy jumps in to save her and beats up the first guy. Her “hero” is now going to have a record. You said he has been honest, just find out the details first and of you decide to proceed utilize public establishments for your dates and do not introduce your daughter until you feel 100% comfortable. Good luck and stay safe.


    Louie97
    Participant
    July 28, 2017 at 10:17 am #143504

    Simple: Do not do it! If he had abusive tendencies in the past, he is likely to repeat. Do not dare jeopardize the safety of you and your child.


    lella22
    Participant
    July 29, 2017 at 5:09 pm #143562

    You can listen to his reasoning behind why he made those decisions back then, and then decide. But because you have a child, I think that the responsible decision would be to let him go. Even if he fell back to his old way of life ONCE with ONE bad decision, it could ruin your child’s life forever.


    j9550550
    Participant
    July 30, 2017 at 3:05 am #143583

    This is not good. Please get away from this guy and deal with the effects of the abuse from the last one. Think therapy would help. It is not your fault, but it is if you keep doing the same thing and bring unsafe people into your life, especially with a child.


    rupton600
    Participant
    July 30, 2017 at 3:51 pm #143608

    Do not


    Nekalta
    Participant
    August 2, 2017 at 12:54 am #143914
    Reply To: Dating a man with a violent criminal record…

    What exactly are the charges? Gang violence is very very different from domestic abuse. With domestic abuse it comes from a very specific mindset that is incredibly hard to change. If there is any DV in a man’s past, RUN.
    I strongly recommend reading “Why does he DO that?” by Lundy Bancroft – not only will it help you spot the red flags of an abuser, and sort out the good guys from the bad, it will also help you sort out all the mind fuckery from your previous relationship – and trust me, as someone who has been there, you need to do that.


    Blueskies48
    Participant
    August 2, 2017 at 11:08 am #143999
    Reply To: Dating a man with a violent criminal record…

    I have to agree with everyones opinions here.