dating a younger gay guy

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dating a younger gay guy

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    who knew_56
    who knew_56
    Participant
    January 25, 2013 at 6:15 pm #21286
    dating a younger gay guy

    I’m dating someone who is 5 years younger than me. I’m well into my career while he is still a bit lost in his endeavors. I sense a bit of intimidation when he meets my friends but I love how energetic he is and his outgoing personality. He reminds me of a younger version of me and in that sense it feels great to feel alive again!

    His shyness around my friends is starting to become a bit annoying though. I don’t know how I can shake him from being so quiet. We’ve been together for a month and we hang out a lot especially on the weekends when we have free time.

    Any advice on what I should do to get him to feel comfortable around me?

    BrodyJames
    BrodyJames
    Participant
    January 28, 2013 at 12:38 pm #21380

    I say try to take him out on a 3-person date. Like have him meet your friends one by one. Go grab some lunch with your best friend and your bf and let him get to know your lifestyle one friend at a time. If he’s intimidated by big groups maybe he just needs to be spoon-fed your lifestyle instead of just all at once….just an idea, hope that helps? 🙂

    who knew_56
    who knew_56
    Participant
    February 1, 2013 at 6:13 pm #21726

    That’s great advice, thanks! I know a perfect friend to take him on a brunch date with.

    I’m worried I’ll have to baby sit him, hopefully he will finally take the plunge and socialize like I know he can!! So frustrating.

    DerekJ
    DerekJ
    Participant
    February 4, 2013 at 10:49 am #21750

    If it’s annoying, tell him! What’s more annoying is a guy who won’t tell you how you really feel about the relationship and pretends to have a good time, when you’re clearly bothered by it.

    mcdc80
    mcdc80
    Participant
    February 8, 2013 at 2:46 pm #22219

    It’s interesting…you say that he’s energetic and outgoing, yet shy around your friends? So I take it that he is just shy specifically around your friends, and not shy around his friends or others? If so, it seems like there is something in particular that is blocking his energy. Have you tried asking him what he’s feeling when he’s around your friends? You mention intimidation…perhaps being around your friends draws up some feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. If so, I bet just talking to him about it and allowing him to express his feelings will go a long way to clearing that negative energy out of him. Sometimes that’s all we need – to express our feelings so that we can get over them.

    P.S. Your last sentence mentions him getting comfortable around “yourself” and not your friends. Do you feel that is also an issue?

    who knew_56
    who knew_56
    Participant
    February 11, 2013 at 12:07 pm #22278

    Thanks for the comments and questions! Yea I mean to address a few things you said, I’ve just noticed a back and forth reaction to how he is around me and then how he is around me AND my friends. Almost like he doesn’t feel like he fits in. I’ve tried to include him in conversations and he’s good about it most of the time (things have got better) but I always feel like the catalyst so I figured I might be bombarding him by shoving him into my life.

    I bet just asking him how he feels will help, but I don’t want to seem like some “older” know it all if I tell him he’s acting childish. (eh) 🙄

    mcdc80
    mcdc80
    Participant
    February 11, 2013 at 4:12 pm #22297

    Well I definitely wouldn’t tell him he’s acting childish…that would probably not move the conversation forward! But the truth is that you are older, and (sometimes) wisdom comes with age. If you approach him with genuine concern and curiosity, then I bet he will respond. We all like it when someone takes an interest in who we are and what we feel…it makes us feel cared about. So by doing so, you will show him that you genuinely care about him, and it will help bring you two closer together.

    Good luck!!! And report back how it went!!!