Dating advice: Can I salvage a relationship after acting too needy?

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Dating advice: Can I salvage a relationship after acting too needy?

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    soundheart
    soundheart
    Participant
    November 18, 2014 at 2:17 am #67702
    Dating advice: Can I salvage a relationship after acting too needy?

    I am 34 and have been out of the dating scene for the past 2 years since separating from my fiance. (went through a bit of depression and isolation and just recently started dating again). I have had only 2 very long term relationships and feel a bit stunted in the dating world due to having very little experience. I started seeing this guy in 2/2014. He had reached out to me after moving to my town from out of state. We use to work together. He said he had a crush on me and had thought about me through the years. I felt very comfortable w/ him and we bonded pretty quick. We started sleeping with each other a few wks later. He said he was falling for me, but didn’t want to because he was getting over a difficult break-up and had no intention of getting into another relationship with anyone anytime soon. I continued to see him. We had been texting every other day and sleeping w/ each other once a wk. He told me he was dating other people, but was not sleeping with anyone else.

    soundheart
    soundheart
    Participant
    November 18, 2014 at 2:17 am #67703

    (We had earlier made an agreement to tell each other if we started to sleep w/ others). At this time I was friends w/ him on social media and saw that he was making flirtatious comments to other women and became jealous. To make long story short, 6/2014, I discovered through a mutual friend that he had also been sleeping with her too. I got upset and cut all contact w/ him. Recently we started talking regularly again through text. The first time we met up since the argument, he apologized for lying and for treating me poorly and said he would make it up to me. At the time I was still a little hurt and was not very receptive. ( I should mention, I was nervous about meeting up with him and by the time I finally agreed to see him, was in the evening and had been drinking). We continue to talk via text and slept together once. However, I now feel his behavior towards me has changed. He seems more distant and guarded than before the argument.Now he contacts me via text 1-2 x a wk to “hang out” and most of the texts occur either Mon or Tues. evening when he’s got nothing going on or during the wkends after the bars have closed. He doesn’t ask me out, just over his house. (He recently lost his job, so I don’t know if that is a factor or not at all). I really enjoyed his company and how he treated me before the argument. He keeps telling me how it’s impossible to meet people in the town we’re in and acts slightly jealous if I’m out and makes comments about w/n I’m on a date or have met someone. Confused. My questions: Is this salvageable? Can a relationship be turned around after someone acts needy and possessive? Can I make him desire me again or will he now always see me as someone he “has” on call so does not need to invest in or care for? Feeling like I ruined things. Any advice would be appreciated.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by soundheart soundheart. Reason: needed to add more info
    soundheart
    soundheart
    Participant
    November 18, 2014 at 9:04 am #67704

    Now he contacts me via text 1-2 x a wk to “hang out” and most of the texts occur either Mon or Tues. evening when he’s got nothing going on or during the wkends after the bars have closed. He doesn’t ask me out, just over his house. (He recently lost his job, so I don’t know if that is a factor or not at all). I really enjoyed his company and how he treated me before the argument. He keeps telling me how it’s impossible to meet people in the town we’re in and acts slightly jealous if I’m out and makes comments about w/n I’m on a date or have met someone. Confused. My questions: Is this salvageable? Can a relationship be turned around after someone acts needy and possessive? Can I make him desire me again or will he now always see me as someone he “has” on call so does not need to invest in or care for? Feeling like I ruined things. Any advice would be appreciated.


    JohanD
    Participant
    November 18, 2014 at 3:44 pm #67733

    If he had a crush on you during those years, he obviously had strong feelings for you. Still he slept with the other girl.. Do you know anything about the emotional bond he had to her? If he has had feelings for you before and he was interested in you now, then I don’t see that to what extend you being a bit possessive affects your relationship. As you explained it, I don’t think you were that possessive at all..

    You said that he is currently unemployed, and psychologically that is super hard for a man. First because he doesn’t feel he is good enough for women. Men need to feel like they are achieving something to deserve a women’s love (it’s subconscious). I am guessing this is his mental state right now, and it might explain why he sleeping around. He tries to prove to himself that he is still worth something.

    If you really want, I think you have good chances to make him desire you. They key is to make a man feel needed by you.


    JohanD
    Participant
    November 18, 2014 at 3:48 pm #67735

    To needed purely emotional, but needed in terms of that he can help you with stuff he is good at. Usually showing admiration and trust in a man’s knowledge and competences is how he feels loved… Do you understand what I mean about this?