Did I completely blow my chance with her?

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Did I completely blow my chance with her?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    pensfan123
    Participant
    June 1, 2014 at 9:53 pm #54186
    Did I completely blow my chance with her?

    There is a girl that I work with that I am very attracted to and today I decided to ask her out. I was feeling confident so I was planning on asking her out but I got extremely nervous when I approached her and I said something completely different than what I wanted to say. The conversation literally went…
    Me: Hey, can I ask you a question?
    Her: sure, whats up
    Me: Do you have a boyfriend?
    her: no
    Me:Okay

    and then I just walked away and by that time I literally felt like I was having a heart attack(I’m 20). So not only did I completely embarrass myself in front of her but I also embarrassed myself if front of the whole floor and pretty sure I embarrassed her as well. So in short, am I now known as the ‘weird guy’ with no shot in hell?


    Anonymous
    June 2, 2014 at 12:53 am #54187

    Did you ask yourself before you even went up to her “what it is you wanted?”

    She may think it was a little odd, seeing as how it appeared to be random, but I wouldn’t say you completely blew your chances with her. Her alarm bells may be ringing the next time you do decide to approach and talk to her, but fortunately for you there is still hope.

    Questions you need to answer before your next encounter:

    What do I want out of this relationship? (date, friend, girlfriend, etc)

    Why do I want to develop a relationship with her?

    Is she even compatible with me and my lifestyle?

    Oh, and another thing, DON’T YOU EVER ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION WITH AN INSECURE MINDSET. This whole notion of “am I weird” will let you down. She’ll pick up on your awkwardness and then you’ll be digging an even deeper hole.

    Be calm, cool, collected, but make sure you’ve answered the above questions. It will make your life easier.

    Let me know how it goes.

    -Marc


    Anonymous
    June 2, 2014 at 12:58 am #54189

    Also, next time you approach a “beautiful” girl, woman, disregard her appearance. That’s the only reason why you were nervous, it’s because in your head you’re thinking “oh my God, this woman is so attractive I’m not sure if I’ll be able to score a date with her. I just really want her to like me, that’s it.”

    Wrong, wrong, wrong. Focus on her characteristics, her lifestyle, who she hangs around with. Does she smile often, pay VERY CLOSE attention to the kind of language she uses.

    She may be beautiful but there’s a high possibility she isn’t a very good matchup for you.

    kallykat55
    kallykat55
    Participant
    June 2, 2014 at 1:17 am #54193

    I’m a girl around your age and I actually think that is a bit cute. Despite how painfully awkward it is. Just try again, this time going into it rehearsed so you can seem cool


    Anonymous
    June 2, 2014 at 10:33 am #54208

    Oh my! I have had so many experiences of the same nature, on both sides of the coin. It’s just funny! It’s completely human and very normal. I completely agree with “anonymous” in that it’s important to see her as just a person. We only get nervous because we build up this big story around that person….and in that story somewhere, we feel as if we are “less than” somehow. Reality is, the more solid you are inside yourself, the more confidence you have. The more confidence you have, then you can know that no one is “better than” you….people are just different. Either you completely match, partially match or don’t match at all and dating is just about that process of figuring that out. I looooove coming across a man that I feel could be out of my league. It brings up all of my insecurities so I can deal with them. It gives me an opportunity to face what I am afraid of, to develop the strength needed to face my fears, to practice communication and MOST OF ALL…

    draper101
    draper101
    Participant
    June 2, 2014 at 10:39 am #54209

    Doesn’t sound like you blew your chances, but you haven’t found out for sure. See how she acts around you when you’re near. The great news is you know she’s single. If she was really repulsed by you she’d say she has one just to keep you at bay.

    I recommend coming up with something confident but sincere, and maybe even a little humorous. Like, “Hey, you know I walked away so quickly the other day cause I was so shocked you were single, I was at a loss for words. I’d love to buy you a cup of coffee or lunch and get to know you a little better. You seem like a fun person to talk to.”

    That’s what I’d do at least. It takes guts, but look her in the eye the whole time, and smile. Confidence is key.


    Anonymous
    June 2, 2014 at 10:43 am #54210

    figuring out where the heck that low self esteem is coming from that is making me feel that I am not worth choosing to have experiences with. So here is a basic rule I tell people at your age….dating is NOT about finding someone to fall madly in love with. If that happens, then cool, but it’s not the focus. The focus is to just learn about yourself. The 20’s are a time to develop all kinds of life skills! Things like communication, dealing with rejection, facing fears, looking at and dealing with all the judgments that come up, heartbreak, love etc….so don’t take this moment too seriously! It’s just a process! I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had similar moments. The strongest people I know are just okay with all their fumbles that happen and they just laugh about it and move on. This will not be the last time you feel like a complete fool, I promise! The question here is, can you still get back up and have a go at it again?? If you can’t….then you are in for a looooong


    Anonymous
    June 2, 2014 at 10:50 am #54212

    road of misery where your fear will control your life. You are going to be afraid many times and there’s no way around it. You have to learn to be afraid AND go for it anyways. So pick yourself back up and go ask her out. If she says no, then you will learn that you will be okay and you can handle rejection and I don’t know anyone who does not respect that quality in a person. If you shy away and never give yourself a chance for a re-do, then you are just going to become more and more fragile. YUCK!!! You are strong enough to face this! At this point, it doesn’t even matter if she says yes or no. Your goal right now is to just get back up and face your fear! You will walk away feeling like you accomplished something no matter her answer and that, in and of itself, is worth it! You are strengthening yourself to be able to deal with all that life throws in your direction. Good luck!


    Anonymous
    June 2, 2014 at 10:54 am #54213

    And I love what “draper” said! It’s honest, well said and flattering!!!

    draper101
    draper101
    Participant
    June 2, 2014 at 11:33 am #54215
    Reply To: Did I completely blow my chance with her?

    And I love what “draper” said! It’s honest, well said and flattering!!!

    Thank you!


    Stardust
    Participant
    June 3, 2014 at 11:28 am #54341
    Reply To: Did I completely blow my chance with her?

    I’m around your age, and I think it’s a tad cute. Even if I didn’t like the guy I’d think he was sweet if he did that.