Disappearing

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Disappearing

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    tara
    Participant
    August 23, 2014 at 6:10 pm #59890
    Disappearing

    When you have gone out with someone you met online, and its clearly not a match, do you let them know you don’t think its a match or just “disappear”! I had the most boring date ever with a guy I met online (it was a paid site). He was more shy than I am. Very socially akward guy who didn’t speak much, and when he did speak we clashed a lot (he was very snobby about education and career and pushy about religion). My subcription was up the very next day after our date. I needed a break from dating so I was not going to renew. So after our awful date, it looked like to him that I had just “disappeared” since my subscription expired so I couldn’t respond to anyone after that, and I hid my profile since I was no longer a paying member. Part of me feels bad for just “disappearing”, but another part of me knows it would’ve been silly to pay $75 just so I could email him that I didn’t feel like it was a good match between us. When you go out once or twice you clearly aren’t in a relationship. Do you think you owe it to a person you went out with that few times to let them know you don’t think you’re a match. I know for myself, I’d rather a guy just disappear on me than get a message that he didn’t think we were right for eachother. I know part of is i hate rejecting people, so I prefer just not contacting them again if I had a bad date and don’t want to see them again. Thats a big reason why I don’t like to give my cell phone # out right away. That can get awkward when you’ve given your cell phone # and they want to see you again and keep on texting you. Thats why for at least the first or second date I like to keep all communication through the dating site.


    djg3665
    Participant
    September 26, 2014 at 4:11 pm #64924

    I have always taken the high road and I think your gut feeling is telling you that the right thing to do is to tell him that there was not a connection. If the date was that awful to you, I am sure that it was awful for him too and if you had no contact from him trying to initiate a second date, the situation has resolved itself. Personally, I have a lot of respect for someone who just tells me that they did not feel a connection instead of leading me on. I think that the perfect way to end contact with someone that you have been on several dates with is take him to dinner, pay for the dinner, and then tell him that you don’t think it is going to work out, you are two different, etc….


    brevicaudate
    Participant
    September 27, 2014 at 3:37 pm #64945

    I can relate to this, having been in a similar situaion myself in the past. The first thing to find out is whether the other party is already in a relationship, which in your case didn’t apply, therefore making it easier for you because you already understand that you are both looking for the right person. Obviously, as to the next step – trying to decide if he was that right person – you felt that the chemistry was lacking and decided not to pursue the “relationship” further. If you clashed during the date, as you say, then that’s something you would have both been aware of, so perhaps he would have made the same decision too.

    Truth be told, as a guy, I always prefer to be the one to make the decision in that regard then let the woman persuade me to stay if her feeling is strong enough, or agree to a civilised denouement if not. Maybe having the woman pip us to the post in this regard is a source of emasculation for a man, even if the feeling is mutual on his part.