Do I contact him or do I wait till he does?

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Do I contact him or do I wait till he does?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    gbazizi
    Participant
    January 15, 2013 at 3:36 pm #20739
    Do I contact him or do I wait till he does?

    so there was this really cute guy working at a cafe next to where i live, and he would smile at me and be really nice when i was there, and my friend told me to go talk to him and ask for his number.
    I approached him and as i was about to ask for his number, he said “let me make it easier on you, can i have your number?”

    so long story short, we went out on like 6 dates, he picked me up every time, we kissed, we had a LOT of fun, and we have so much in common we could talk for days…

    this all happened in a span of 10 days or less. during christmas and new years eve.
    on our last date, when he picked me up he said im sorry im been so distance i have friends from out of town (he had replied to my texts a little bit later than he usually would and i ha barely noticed) i brushed it off and said i figured you were busy.

    two days later, i texted him a good morning, he didn’t reply, i didn’t think much of it. later that day i texted him that i had plans with friends and he was more than welcome to join.

    he called me an hour later saying that we need to talk. he said “i haven’t been completely honest with you, i just got out of a serious relationship and i’m not ready. i really like that you came up to me and i didn’t go on dates with you out of pity i really liked your confidence. but i think we shouldn’t see each other for a while. i can already see myself pulling away from you. i really like you and i don’t want you to hurt.” and i said ” yeah, i totally understand! well i would love to still be your friend … but you know what? when you’re ready if we’re both available, we’ll see where things go!” and he was all like ” of course! thanks for being so understanding! so what are you doing in a couple weeks ?!”

    its been about 8 days since that conversation and i still think about him a lot, everything reminds me of him… you would think i’d be over something that lasted only 10 days…

    so do you guys think i should wait for him to contact me or should i wait for him to do so? i would like to have him in my life somehow even if it’s only a friend!
    p.s. I’m 18 and he’s 21.

    abigail
    abigail
    Participant
    January 23, 2013 at 11:09 am #21017

    Oh goodness, I’ve totally been there. You fall head over heels for a guy, it’s around the holidays and boom, he drops a bomb on you.

    I’ll tell you right. now. Back away. It’s so so hard, you want to just hang out and see if you can convince him to like you, but you can’t. you shouldn’t. He has been completely honest with you and said he needs time. Please, give him space! I promise, he will respect you SO much more if you do as he asks.

    He’s going through a hard time, and you have to try your hardest to put yourself in his shoes. Think about what HE’s going through and then think about his ex gf! She might have lingering feelings, she might be really sad and still hasn’t composed herself.

    Unfortunately you two met at the wrong time and place for it to be any more than just friends.

    So BE his friend, but don’t try to initiate things. Only see him if HE wants to see you. But when you do, be the stronger one of the two and don’t let him make any moves on you (he may want a rebound). He’s in a super fragile stage, he’s a swinging door that will go both ways…stand your ground, you’ll be thankful you did in the long run.

    candycorn52
    candycorn52
    Participant
    January 24, 2013 at 6:03 pm #21191

    I agree with abigail. You stepped into this guy’s life at the wrong time. These things happen a lot thought. It’s hard but it’s these situations where you learn to restrain yourself from letting your emotions take over. If you can resist texting him and trying too hard to see him, it’ll work in your favor. Guys always come back, especially if you respect them when they ask you too 😉


    abbystheone
    Participant
    February 20, 2013 at 11:14 pm #23273

    thanks for being so understanding! so what are you doing in a couple weeks ?!”

    Wow…that’s almost funny. Like he’s going to be ready to date you in a couple weeks. The one good thing is that he was up front with you, but something tells me 2 weeks isn’t enough time to heal from a breakup.
    yep…just like everyone else is saying…wrong timing. I usually won’t date a guy unless his X has been his X for at least 6 months. I wouldn’t want to be the “re-bound chick”.


    Kurtis
    Participant
    February 22, 2013 at 4:30 pm #23506

    thanks for being so understanding! so what are you doing in a couple weeks ?!”

    Wow…that’s almost funny. Like he’s going to be ready to date you in a couple weeks. The one good thing is that he was up front with you, but something tells me 2 weeks isn’t enough time to heal from a breakup.

    yep…just like everyone else is saying…wrong timing. I usually won’t date a guy unless his X has been his X for at least 6 months. I wouldn’t want to be the “re-bound chick”.

    I think that quote you’re referring to was really just the guy trying to be friendly to her. That’s where a lot of girls probably try to over analyze the simplest things a guy is trying to say. He told her he wanted to be friends, just bad timing yea, so gbazizi should try to move on…


    abbystheone
    Participant
    February 23, 2013 at 5:02 pm #23513

    Hmmm I think he was pretty much being a smart ass and maybe overly cocky(pardon the pun).LOL


    slobeachboy
    Participant
    March 14, 2013 at 9:16 pm #25988

    This advice is probably coming a few months too late to help you but I’m going to post it anyway as it might be helpful to someone else in a similar situation.
    Anyway, there are two possibilities here and neither one of them has anything to do with “not being ready” to get involved with you after a break-up. To begin with pretty much any guy is going to be “ready” if the right girl comes along. And even if he’s not, he’s not going to go out with you, have a great time for a week, and then suddenly realize he’s not ready. As I’ve said numerous times before, when someone breaks it off with you they rarely give the true reason for the breakup because they don’t want to personalize it by telling you that they’re just not feelin’ it for you anymore – if they every did at all. This seems less hurtful to them somehow but in truth it often just makes things worse by giving you hope that circumstance will change in the future and you’ll be able to get them back. Anyway the number one lame excuse, at least with guys, is the good old “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” story.
    So now the only question is, did he know from the start that he was only going to see you for a week and dump you, or did he just decide later that you just weren’t what he was looking for? Of course it shouldn’t really matter because either way he’s done with you. If I were to hazard to guess however I’d say that he probably has a girlfriend who was out of town when he met you. If his girlfriend is in College then she probably went home for winter break and got back right after New Years. I know this because I’m from a small college town myself and it practically becomes a ghost town during Christmas break because all the student are gone (half the population are college kids).
    Also I have to say that any guy confident enough and smooth enough to pull off that “let me make it easier for you routine”, and at only 21 year of age, is likely to be a player. I’m just sayin’.


    ciaradance
    Participant
    April 1, 2013 at 9:53 am #27357

    While it is interesting to second guess what he really meant and what his motives are. it does not serve you to do so. This will leave you with a very bitter aftertaste. I prefer to take him at his word, he is not ready, and leave him be, as he asked. I know he threw in the two week idea, but that was perhaps an attempt to cushion the separation.