August 22, 2016 at 7:34 pm #109104
I’ll try to keep this concise.
I kept seeing a girl on the train on my way to work, exactly my ‘arty’ type, very pretty. She’d get off at the same stop as me and I was convinced I was going to say hi. Unfortunately I didn’t, and I changed office so didn’t see her again, but! A couple of weeks later we matched on Tinder.
Fast forward a bit and we’ve been texting a lot/snapchat all the time. Safe to say I was into her. She admitted to liking me a lot too, we just got on very well and often had quite deep conversations about things as well as flirty conversations. We said we would go on a date, but first she had to finish her course. After this she went on holiday, then she got a job on the weekends. None of it ideal.
So, a week ago, she let me know that she’d been out with a guy the day before and that they were friends, but now it’s changed. She said she felt bad for me, but that she never thought anything would happen as I’d left it so long.August 22, 2016 at 7:41 pm #109105
I told her exactly how I felt, because despite not having met her yet, I have managed to develop quite strong feelings and I truly think she’s the right person for me. She told me that ‘nothing’s been established’ between them. Since telling her, she’s tried to initiate conversation in a very similar way to the past few months, but I can’t do it myself, I’m too bothered by the entire thing. I guess I feel cheated of an opportunity, I’ve been at this point before but it’s not hurt quite as much as this time. Going from talking almost everyday for months, to not at all, is really hurting me. I haven’t spoken to her in a few days now, I’ve been quite dismissive to her attempts to start talking.
So my question is, what do I do? Part of me really wants to keep trying, more than anyone I’ve liked before, another part is pessimistic and only sees her ending up in a relationship with this other guy, in which case I should totally back away.
loretta1228ParticipantAugust 22, 2016 at 11:50 pm #109107
I think its sort of interesting how this relationship with this other person developed while the two of you were having conversations, finishing her course, she took vacation and then a job. I am doubting whether she had real intentions in the first place. I am guessing that she realized that you were into her probably more than she was into you.
Your instincts are correct by backing off her current relationship to see where it goes. When starting new relationships you must have some boundaries by not allowing yourself to become infatuated too early.August 23, 2016 at 8:49 am #109115
It sounds that way from my description, I can tell. She was definitely into me, in fact she told me first that she liked me. I believe it was just left too late, admittedly my overwhelming nerves when it comes to dating did not help, so the opportunities we did have to meet, I avoided. I regret that now.
I’m concerned that by backing away completely, we won’t talk anymore and even if another opportunity presents itself, I won’t be there to take it. I miss talking to her, it hurts at the moment., I just wish I’d met her. Even been dreaming about her recently, which really doesn’t help.
I realise I may come off as infatuated by all this, but it was over a long stretch of time, maybe four months.
xedeyesParticipantAugust 23, 2016 at 12:52 pm #109243
I feel you, but I can’t think of a truly right answer… I’d be the guy who would let it go, feel like shit for a little while and move on (as I have done before) but I get that you’re willing to try. I guess the best advice I can give is to keep doing what you think feels right to endure, even it it may seem the smartest move might be to let it go… But if you really want to keep trying and the responses don’t feel right anymore, maybe it’s best to back off.. Whatever you do, just try to be somewhat prepared and deal with this at your own pace. Hope this helps and good luck
loretta1228ParticipantAugust 24, 2016 at 8:57 am #109364
Sometimes its all about timing. Perhaps then someday….
LoveSickScottyParticipantAugust 24, 2016 at 3:58 pm #109475
I’d say if you want it badly enough then you need to make your feelings clear. I have a story not to dissimilar and I can sort of relate to how you feeling. Most people have said to me to cool down for a week or so then see how you feel after that
richardclParticipantAugust 25, 2016 at 1:47 am #109514
Keep away from her for a few weeks or months. That time you will know whether you really want her or not. Maybe you can find a new girl whom you can have an interaction with, not just only by texting.
International BeaverParticipantAugust 26, 2016 at 1:51 pm #109744
This is why Tinder / Endless Text conversations can be dangerous. Through the written word we reveal too much of ourselves and then two things happen…
1. The person builds an unrealistic idea of who we are based on text
2. A quasi “online” relationship develops and many of her “needs” are taken care of via text with little or no risk from her. Why would she need to meet you if she’s already sort of dated you via text???
Texting in my book should only ever be about pleasantries and a short into to escalation to the meet in person. From then on if you still want to date the odd text here and there is fine but in my opinion it’s best to meet face to face as much as possible and use the telephone!!!! So many people have forgotten how to talk on the phone!
WinryParticipantAugust 26, 2016 at 7:05 pm #109765
I think that you should (try) to let her go, as hard as it may be. It just seems to me that she wasn’t really all that serious, no matter how serious she had seemed to be. If she chose to become more involved with another guy over you, then it isn’t fair for you to keep putting effort into this when she is pursuing someone else.
Pulling away and letting her do her own thing and you go your own way may end up pulling her back to you. If her other relationship doesn’t work out she may get in contact with you. By that time, I think you’ll know for sure if she is still worth dating even after pursuing someone else over you.
Even if she doesn’t ever get in contact with you, I think that it’s still important to move on and find someone to connect with in person and find that relationship you are wanting!
I hope it all gets better for you!!!
cyphix333ParticipantAugust 29, 2016 at 9:40 am #109830
You worry about her ending up in a relationship with the other guy so you feel you should back away – well, if you DO back away then that’s what is most likely going to happen – if you really feel she is the right one for you then GO GET HER!!
polariceParticipantAugust 30, 2016 at 9:35 pm #110025
She’s allowed to see more than one person especially when it’s new and not a serious relationship. I say if you really like her, give it a shot. Maybe she will kick the other guy to the curb!
nyc1995ParticipantAugust 31, 2016 at 1:29 pm #110203
Just let her go for now and if it is meant to be it will work out
erika995ParticipantSeptember 1, 2016 at 6:15 pm #110372
If you still have feelings for her I would ask her out and see what happens but if she starts to make excuses move on
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