Does a guy ever ask a girl out even if you are not attracted to her?


Does a guy ever ask a girl out even if you are not attracted to her?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    January 1, 2018 at 7:57 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    December 30, 2014 at 8:15 am #69729
    Does a guy ever ask a girl out even if you are not attracted to her?

    Hello all!

    First time here, and I would really love guys perspective on this.
    There is a guy I have a crush on for over two years and he finally asked me out after all these years. I must say I was over the moon when he asked!
    (We had not exactly kept in touch for those two years, I sent him a quick e-mail to say hi a few weeks ago out of blue and he asked me out then.)

    So we went out, for coffee, and I know many people actually think coffee date is not considered as acutual date. Anyhow, we went out, sat down and talked for like three hours, talking everything from life, work, interests, our backgrounds etc…it went great. I had a great time and I think he did too.

    Then he asked me out again so we went out for the second time the other day and as it turns out, he had been sick all week and he was still sick when I met up with him.
    He insisted that he was fine, although he said he still had headache and his voice was scratchy, I felt really bad.

    Now, I wish that he could’ve told me that he was not feeling well so we could rechedule. He even said he was at his worst the day before our outing, which made me feel terrible. After all, despite of his condition, we still chatted for three hours.

    So myy question is, would a guy ask a girl out even if you are not attracted/interested in her?
    Or rather, would you still go out even if you are sick like a dog? (Because I certainly would not especially if I was not interested)
    By the way, I still do not know if we were on a date considering we just talk over coffee.


    December 30, 2014 at 8:44 am #69732

    Interesting question! For me, I CAN’T ask a girl out if I’m not interested/attracted to her. I’m a guy who needs to be completely commited to a girl to ask her out. For example, I had a girl who absolutely loved me and thought that I was great. We had a great connection and had a lot of the same things in common. However, I could never see her more than just a friend because the attraction wasn’t there. It was super hard, but I knew it wouldn’t be good for either her or me to not be completely committed to the relationship.

    I would want to think about the guy’s motives possibly. WHile he sounds very sincere, I would have a little concern that maybe he’s just trying to get something from you more than just a great relationship. I don’t think that’s the case, but the fact it’s been so long would make me think a little bit about that.

    But to answer your question better, I would say most guys need to be interested/attracted to a girl to ask her out.

    December 30, 2014 at 10:39 am #69740

    Thank you for your reply as well as your insight.

    Well, I am still struggling to grasp his intention, too and as you mentioned, dmj106, he seems very sincere and that’s what makes things so difficult!

    As far as the reason why it took us this long to actually go out, his work situation prevented us from dating (or close contact for that matter) and I was in a relationship with someone else for the past five years, although he is not aware of that.
    Now that he has a new job and I am single, I guess we are free to spend our time together however we want.

    I must admit that I enjoy his company very much, as a friend, but since I have had a crush on him for so long, there is a part of that I wish he would feel the same way about me. But so far, he is very hard to read. The first outing (I call it “outing” since I am not sure if that was a date) was like catching up and talking to get to know each other kind of thing which was great.

    December 30, 2014 at 2:12 pm #69743

    I think it’s fair to always be skeptical and to think about why now has he changed his mind. If I were you, maybe try to squeeze that sort of question into a conversation the next time that you talk to him! Don’t just blatantly say “Hey, why did you ask me out now” or anything, but see what triggered the most recent contact.

    I do want to say that he sounds really sincere, and he seems genuine. Enjoy yourself when you’re with him, because it’s always should be fun and exciting when you go out for the first time. Hope this helps!

    December 31, 2014 at 10:24 am #69741

    But the second outing, since he seemed pretty sick, there was no way for me to tell! He had headache and he had hard time hearing and his voice was all scratchy, I wondered why he even came out. He could simply tell me he didn’t feel good and he would like to reschedule.

    So part of me makes me think that he probably is interested, but so far I have yet to witness the solid evidence from him. lol

    Now I feel like if he ever asked me out again, maybe I should turn him down…I like him a lot but I don’t know if I am ready to get to know him more and his actions are confusing me.

    December 31, 2014 at 10:25 am #69750

    I ran out of my space but the second outing was also fun despite of him being sick…he said he had headache, his voice was scratchy and running nose…why bother going out with someone when you are so sick? He said since he stayed home all week, he wanted to get out. OK I mean, I am not worried whether he gives me the cold, but it’s like he could’ve just let me know to reschedule although I do appreciate that the fact he even came out and sat with me for hours.

    He does seem very sincere and that scares me since my last relationship was nothing but sincere. I feel that I want to pull back but because I enjoy his company so much, I am thinking with my head way too much. lol

    I am still confused as he is interested as a friend or more than a friend, he sure seems like a great friend to have though!


    December 31, 2014 at 11:07 am #69758

    I’m sensing a little confusion on your part, which is definitely fair. In terms of him coming to the second date, I think it can only be a good sign to come and see you when he was sick. That shows me that he is very committed to going out with you and enjoys your company, despite being under the weather.

    I don’t know the guy, but he seems to be genuinely interested, which a lot of guys aren’t. Going through all this trouble to meet with you when he is sick has to be a good sign in my eyes. If you want a relationship with this guy, I think that you should continue to see him. I think it’s important to talk with him about what exactly he’s in this for and what you are looking for as well. Getting this all out in the open can only help make things more clear and understandable for the both of you. It’s not fair to lead anybody on, so communication is huge!