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sportzguy92ParticipantDecember 11, 2012 at 12:49 am #18533
My girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago, we were together for 6 months prior to that. We broke up because of a few drunken incidents between us caused by me. I said some things to her that i said alot of things to her that i didnt mean, they just came out at the time. I know what I did was wrong and i deeply regret what happened. After she broke up with me, i did everything i could to try and repair our relationship and nothing worked. After about a month of trying i had decided to just cut ties with her and try to move on. After our breakup i spent alot of time analyzing things in my life and why i acted the way i did. I’ve made some changes in my life and feel like i have changed myself.
I saw her out a few months ago and there was just a quick hey how are you doing exchange between us and that was it. I saw her out again two weekends ago and this time she came full force on me. Things about our past and all this stuff about how i didnt try hard enough to get her back and how i acted like i didnt care about our relationship. She was really upset about it and showed alot of emotion. Keep in my mind that we havent talked in 6 months prior to this. She says it will take her awhile to get over what happened between us and that she needs time to heal and find out what she really wants. I completely understand and respect that. We had texted back and forth after this for a bit. I asked her if she had given up all hope of anything ever happening between us. She couldnt give me a straight answer. Her response was that she felt like i was pressuring her and that she didnt want to be put in a corner with whatever answers she gave me. I dont really know what that means but i took it as she doesnt know what she wants, but she hasnt completely thrown out the idea of something happening between us. This girl does still mean alot to me and i do still care for her alot after all this time. My question is, does it seem like she still has some interest and should i let time run its course and still make an attempt to pursue this girl? Obviously im not going to wait around forever. Or should i just cut all ties and keep trying to move on?
JimmyKParticipantDecember 11, 2012 at 10:06 am #18536
Looks like she’s forgiven whatever you said to her drunkenly and now she’s upset you didn’t chase after her?
If you really have “changed” then you need to try to start over. Take things VERY slow, hold yourself back from getting emotionally/physically close before you BOTH know it’s worth it. Although you think you may know what you want, it’s merely excitement trying to make you act irrationally toward her.
The reason you’re both confused is probably because you two haven’t found a time to sit down and talk about your feelings or where you stand in life (work/school) and you’re both eager to jump back to your old relationship. Believe me, take it slow. You might have a second chance so don’t think ignoring the past will fix this.
You’re both interested but both have reservations about how things will end up. Take the high road and show her what kind of gentleman you are, ball’s in your court-play wisely!!
AnonymousDecember 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm #18787
Sounds very confusing! I hear this kind of story more times than I can count from guys…the guy tries everything he knows how to make the girl happy, then when it doesn’t work, he disconnects and the girl gets hurt and feels like they didn’t fight hard enough.
Here’s basically what is happening with that type of scenario…when a girl doesn’t feel fought for hard enough, she wants to blame the guy for it, but reality is, it is NOT your responsibility to make her feel valuable. She is wanting you to chase her with everything you got so she can feel her value. The more you chase her and fight for her, the more it gives her a boost of self esteem…”I am worth fighting for” kind of stuff. A girl who makes you do that has a lot of low self esteem which is why she is depending on you to give it to her. It’s a game a lot of guys get sucked into, because all you guys care about is putting that smile back on her face. Not to say that you don’t make a few attempts, but after that, she needs to take care of herself.
What’s kind of funny about your situation is that she expresses to you that you didn’t fight hard enough for her and then as you cross paths again, you are fighting for her again by asking her if she thinks there is still a possibility and then she says you are “pressuring” her and she doesn’t want to feel like she’s being backed into a corner. Goodness…she doesn’t know what she wants. She needs to jump off the fence….either give you another chance or don’t. You can sell her on the idea by telling her how you have changed and what you have changed into….but after that, if she is not sold, I would suggest moving on.
You deserve to be with a girl that doesn’t have to think about being with you. Don’t you want to be with someone who undoubtedly is excited to know you and be with you? I get that you guys have a bit of a rocky past….so if you do choose to get back together, make sure you BOTH agree to start fresh and clean…like you are getting to know each other all over again. If she starts to hold all the old crap over your head and not trusting you, then I would ask you this….are you sure you want to be with someone who does not know how to let go of your mistakes and forgive?
You are the designer of your life….you need to ask yourself what kind of relationship do you want? You deserve to be seen and known for who you are TODAY. Just make sure she has the ability to offer that to you.
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