Doesn't want anything right now

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Doesn't want anything right now

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    misscanadian
    Participant
    December 4, 2013 at 10:18 pm #43945
    Doesn't want anything right now

    So today I asked the guy I’ve been kind of dating if that’s what we were doing and he said that I am gorgeous and that he likes me and that yes the times we hung out were dates, but that he isn’t looking for anything right now. He explained that he had a girl he was serious about and they moved in together and then she cheated on him. And his rebound cheated too. So he said he just needs time to have his head above the water and figure out what he wants. Then he proceeded to act like everything was still normal and hugged me when we said goodbye.

    Now I understand from google and magazines and everything that when a guy says they don’t know what they want, that means they don’t want you. But then why say I am gorgeous and that he likes me, and still hug me and everything? I don’t plan on chasing him, but is there any chance at all that “missing me” will make him come around? Or am I wasting my time?

    To clarify, he is a really nice guy which is why I’m unsure..


    vexation
    Participant
    December 5, 2013 at 4:06 am #43946

    having been badly hurt twice in the same way(a kind of way that really makes u feel like less of a man and makes u want to die a lot and u hope never happens again) he’s probably a bit paranoid about it, and smart enough to recognize that if he were in a relationship he would probably end up acting jealous and suspect u of cheating on him for no reason. he may need time, or he may need the right words, but he also said the he needs to figure out what he wants, which is all-around bad. it means he could be lying to spare your feelings(god i hate that) or that he really doesnt know what he wants, which would mean he doesnt want anything, including you. if you enjoy his company, by all means keep spending time with him, but dont expect anything to happen. if he figures out that he wants you, he will probably let you know, but relationshipwise, i would move on if i were you.

    p.s. im a guy


    lonelyathome
    Participant
    December 5, 2013 at 1:40 pm #44014

    If they are not ready for a relationship, there is nothing you can do but waste your time trying to helpthem ….. sorry 🙂


    Lovable
    Participant
    December 7, 2013 at 3:41 am #44164

    completely agree with vex. i have only been cheated on once and that was 5 years ago.. i still cant get over it and because of that the same girl that cheated on me broke up with me for being too depressed. guys have just as many feelings and emotions as women do possibly even more for the fact that we try to hide them from the world. im not saying all girls are bad, or even u for that matter, but for men, being cheated on is a bigger deal to us because of penis size. we already worry about the size of our penis, when girls go replace a man with another man we feel like were not big enough or man enough. it really does take a lot out of someone, if u like the guy give him time chances are he likes u too but he doesnt want to feel that pain ever again


    dbbulls
    Participant
    December 7, 2013 at 5:41 pm #44170

    he proably feels that hes not ready for a long relationship? just wants something fun for now instead


    misscanadian
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:23 pm #44173

    Thanks for your responses everyone. He and I have talked more and I understand better what was happening between us before. We’ve also agreed to stay friends for now as our friendship means a lot to both of us. I’ve also taken a step back and realized that I also am not ready for a relationship at the moment, as 7 months ago I got out of a year long emotionally abusive relationship. So clearly both he and I have our issues to sort through. I’m not necessarily going to move on from him, but I’m not going to be pining for him either. I’m just going to be me and live my life.

    Thank you to those of you who explained a bit for me how a man feels when he’s been cheated on. I felt for a bit there that if I was willing to give things a shot after an abusive relationship, why wasn’t he after what he went through, but I hadn’t really realized how much it can actually affect a guy.

    If anyone else has any other comments to add please do! I was just giving an update 🙂


    misscanadian
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:24 pm #44174

    Thanks for your responses everyone. He and I have talked and I now understand better what was going on with us before. We’ve decided to remain friends for now as our friendship means a lot to both of us. I’ve also taken a step back and realized that I’m not ready for a relationship now as well since I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 7 months ago. So clearly he and I both have issues to work through. I’m not necessarily going to give up on him, but I’m not going to pine after him either. I’m just going to be me and live my life, and if things work out then great.
    And thank you to those who explained a little bit what a man goes through when he’s been cheated on. I felt for a bit there that if I was willing to give things a try after an abusive relationship then why wasn’t he after what he went through which happened before what I went through? But I understand better now why.
    If anyone else has any comments to add please continue to do so! I was just giving an update 🙂


    misscanadian
    Participant
    April 7, 2014 at 6:24 pm #44268

    Thanks for your responses everyone! He and I have talked and I now understand better what was going on with us before. We’ve decided to remain friends for now as our friendship means a lot to both of us. I’ve also taken a step back and realized that I’m not ready for a relationship now as well since I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 7 months ago. So clearly he and I both have issues to work through. I’m not necessarily going to give up on him, but I’m not going to pine after him either. I’m just going to be me and live my life, and if things work out then great.
    And thank you to those who explained a little bit what a man goes through when he’s been cheated on. I felt for a bit there that if I was willing to give things a try after an abusive relationship then why wasn’t he after what he went through which happened before what I went through? But I understand better now why.
    If anyone else has any comments to add please continue to do so! I was just giving an update 🙂